Funny Quotes

Don't get me wrong, there are sometimes if I go and see a really funny comedy, that I wished I had smoked a joint. I'll be honest with you. That's the truth.

Books are funny little portable pieces of thought.

This is the great thing about Northern Ireland. I walk down the street and people stop me and say things like, 'I know you. You're that wee golfer, aren't you?' I say, 'Yeah, that's me.' They say, 'Keep it up, wee man.' It's very funny and that's why I want to stay here as long as possible.

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

I guess when I think about it, one of the things I like to dramatise, and what is sometimes funny, is someone coming unglued. I don't consider myself someone who is making the argument that I support these choices. I just think it can be funny.

I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.

There's been a lot of coming home in the early mornings after funny nights out, having bizarre sandwiches in bed.

Very often, I don't make it through moments of recording because it is genuinely funny and absolutely ridiculous that a 60-year-old grown man is making these noises.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids.

Television has changed the American child from an irresistable force to an immovable object.

I just heard a very funny story about somebody who died yesterday, I'm sorry to say so but it was so absurd that you can't help laughing. And the person that was concerned about that story was laughing too.

It sounds funny, but the 2008 Olympics were something that just kind of happened, and I was lucky they came at a point when I was uninjured and well prepared. As a gymnast, you can't ask for much more.

If you think something's funny, go with that. Most comedians pull jokes from a place of honesty.

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

When I was a kid I had this funny blonde hair and everyone called me 'Chick' because I looked like Tweety Bird.

I think a lot of stuff I find funny is from day dreaming.

I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny.

The funny thing is people won't let me pay for things. I'll be in a restaurant and the manager will say, 'Oh no, it's on the house.'

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Acting is all about big hair and funny props... All the great actors knew it. Olivier knew it, Brando knew it.

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.

If I could ever be on a Missy Elliott record, I could then die. Missy Elliott, Mary J. Blige - I love hearing them interviewed, I love the way they talk about their art. They're very self-assured, they're funny, they're inviting. I love it.

I saw 28 Days. I don't remember rehab being like a day camp or being that funny. Rehab is a dumping ground. It's a big landfill.

You gotta keep the funny intact.

The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

Forgiveness is a funny thing. It warms the heart and cools the sting.

It's funny, when I'm not on the road or doing stuff with Bad Company - or whatever- I've always written songs galore... a lot of stuff people don't even hear.

I'm very silly as a person, but quality silliness on-screen has more of an art to it. Harrison Ford, whom I was in 'Morning Glory' with, has mastered that dry funny better than anyone.