Funny Quotes

My theory is that all of Scottish cuisine is based on a dare.

I'm known as a kind of dramatic, serious, almost humorless actor and the fact is, I'm a funny guy, and I spend most of my life trying to find a lighter side of things, and on stage was given plenty of opportunity to do that.

Light and funny has a more compelling quality when you're younger. But I haven't abandoned the genre: I love falling down; I love Lucille Ball. It's just that a lot of those stories revolve around problems that I can't convincingly portray at this age.

It's funny, though, because when I first started going to races after we met, I was extremely nervous. It's like being backstage and hoping you don't trip over something or break an amp or accidentally speak into a live microphone, so I was really hesitant.

Experience is what you have after you've forgotten her name.

I know from the middle distance I give off the look of being prolific, which is a funny compliment to receive.

I mean, I - it's so funny, I am, you know, I am, you know, a working woman out in the world, but I still live with my parents half the time. I've been sort of taking this very long, stuttering period of moving out.

When I was younger I wanted to be a big movie star who'd get to be funny on talk shows and then I wanted to retire and write science fiction.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good.

Some of the pictures I must say every now and then I just think are going to be funny. When it gets that much, you might as well just pull out all the stops and make it more of a burlesque.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

People who are funny and smart and return phone calls get much better press than people who are just funny and smart.

I love being a dad, it keeps me fit and inspired and children are so funny. They always supply you with acting material!

Comedy, your funny bone, is formed in childhood.

It is funny what a year can do.

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

The Islam of the 18th, 19th and first half of the 20th century was a poor thing. Nobody bothered about it. Islam was that funny sort of pure system of beliefs that depressed people in the Middle East held as their religion.

It's funny to have become an elegant skier now. But my drive is still the same.

Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.

I value comedy. I value somebody who can be funny.

Comedy is not funny. Comedy is hard work and timing and lots and lots of rehearsals.

I've always thought those guys are really funny. And I love Dumb and Dumber, Kingpin and Mary.

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone?

But as far as being popular, yeah, I think Dave Barry is really funny.

People don't want to listen to a celebrity tweeting about their charities and shows. That's why comedy writers do well - we put out little funny ideas.

But I think Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang really got that thing where, if a movie reads really funny and then has some dramatic or violent or sinister stuff in it, you can't forget that primarily it has to be even funnier than you read it or that other stuff doesn't work.

California is a fine place to live - if you happen to be an orange.

I'm blonde and tanned and normal-sized! I'm sweet, shy, funny, have a big heart and I'm nice - and I like to eat.

You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.