Quotes By Henny Youngman
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
Henny Youngman
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henny Youngman
My other brother-in-law died. He was a karate expert, then joined the army. The first time he saluted, he killed himself.
Henny Youngman
My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!
Henny Youngman
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.
Henny Youngman
A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.
Henny Youngman
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
Henny Youngman
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!
Henny Youngman
If my mother knew I did this for a living, she'd kill me. She thinks I'm selling dope.
Henny Youngman