Quotes By Bob Hope

I have too much money invested in sweaters.

When they asked Jack Benny to do something for the Actor's Orphanage - he shot both his parents and moved in.

The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast.

If I have to lay an egg for my country, I'll do it.

Kids are wonderful, but I like mine barbecued.

I've always been in the right place and time. Of course, I steered myself there.

They'll always be an England, even if it's in Hollywood.

People who throw kisses are hopelessly lazy.

Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.

I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful.

The only thing chicken about Israel is their soup.

If you watch a game, it's fun. If you play it, it's recreation. If you work at it, it's golf.

When we recall the past, we usually find that it is the simplest things - not the great occasions - that in retrospect give off the greatest glow of happiness.

I have a wonderful make-up crew. They're the same people restoring the Statue of Liberty.

You've got to be rich to have a swing like that.

The good news is that Jesus is coming back. The bad news is that he's really pissed off.

I love to go to Washington - if only to be near my money.

You know you're getting old when the candles cost more than the cake.

You never get tired unless you stop and take time for it.

When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.

I don't feel old. I don't feel anything till noon. That's when it's time for my nap.

A sense of humor is good for you. Have you ever heard of a laughing hyena with heart burn?

She said she was approaching forty, and I couldn't help wondering from what direction.

I do benefits for all religions - I'd hate to blow the hereafter on a technicality.

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don't need it.

If you haven't got any charity in your heart, you have the worst kind of heart trouble.

I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom.

I like to play in the low 70's. If it gets any hotter than that I'll stay in the bar!

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

Bigamy is the only crime where two rites make a wrong.