Funny Quotes

My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

The first time I walked by a crap table, I felt kind of funny.

Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names.

Sometimes you don't want to be a slapstick clown in order to convey a funny perception of the world.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters.

I like funny guys and those, for some reason, tend to be nerdy guys.

I believe, in a funny way, the job of the novelist is to be out there on the fringes and speaking for an experience that has not really been spoken for.

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

A lot of the tabloid stories are written so well, they're very clever and very funny. But you have to focus on what's really important and not read them - don't dive into it and don't get caught up in it.

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.

Funny is an attitude.

I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.

But it is funny, because I saw Unbreakable recently and it's a strange movie, I didn't mind it, and it's got some interesting things going on.

Never put a sock in a toaster.

If you can find the line between sympathetic and creepy, you have reached a very funny area.

My grandchildren are fabulous and funny.

But I've never looked at myself as being particularly funny.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

It's funny how making odd noises can get you into strange situations sometimes.

I can never tell when something is funny. I just have to do it onstage and find out.

It's a funny thing because you look at the careers of other filmmakers, and you see them sort of slow down, and you realize, maybe this becomes harder to do as you get older. That's sort of a cautionary thing. I hope it doesn't happen to me.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

My parents are both very funny but they're also relatively soft-spoken, normal human beings while I'm just a lunatic. I don't know where this loud, ballsy, hammy ridiculousness came from. I'm just glad I followed my goals and my parents did too. It's not like we even had a plan when I dragged my mom to Los Angeles.

One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all.

At home in L.A., Sunday is lazy. It's the wife and me lying in bed with coffee, watching 'The Soup' or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually, breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty's. And we always have some kind of great dinner - my wife makes a great roast beef.