Funny Quotes

My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information.

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?

Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown.

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.

The funny thing about making this record and being away from the girls and on my own in LA is that it allowed me to reflect on how much we've accomplished.

Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

I'm for whatever gets you through the night.

The one thing that disturbs me about Alec is that people don't realize that he's really funny.

'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun.

I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

I was the class clown at school, but at home, my family wasn't very funny.

It's only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I'm skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I'm big, when I was big, I never thought about it.

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

I love working with smart-funny people.

My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

The first time I walked by a crap table, I felt kind of funny.

Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names.

Sometimes you don't want to be a slapstick clown in order to convey a funny perception of the world.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters.