Funny Quotes

There was plenty of dysfunction in my family and I went to Catholic School with these psychotic nuns. I would always try to be funny to lighten the mood.

Hollywood's just not funny.

Jon Stewart hires people that he thinks are funny. That's it. That's the only requirement.

I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says 'go outside.'

Scream was great for what it was. For a horror film, it was intelligent, it was funny, it took a laugh at itself.

I think since I was kid people told me that they thought I was funny.

I think that the episodes are like mini horror films really; the characters make bad decisions early on and these things just snowball for them and get worse and worse. And that's what I find funny.

My dad loved to laugh. He was very funny and very silly.

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.

The things that make me angry still make me angry. George Carlin is 67, and he's still as funny as he's ever been, and he's still angry. And that makes me feel good, because I feel like if I stick around long enough, I'll still be able to work.

A man's got to take a lot of punishment to write a really funny book.

Because death and illness are the most horrible things in life, of course that's where the most absurdly funny things are going to happen.

No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young. You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12.

We have always had gross humor. But we try for funny, not gross.

But I think once the word gets out that the movie is funny - funny is transcendent - it will traverse all demographic barriers if people embrace it as a funny movie.

When I go to a bar, I don't go looking for a girl who knows the capital of Maine.

It's so funny, because right now I'm very tired and my brains a little dead, I tend to get very focused and serious. So, I'm probably coming off a lot more like Scully right now.

I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

It's funny because I think it also goes very well with the show. It has this reputation as being this love city where everyone goes to get married, but when you get there, it's very corny and tacky.

There's always an article coming out, saying, 'The new thing is funny women!'

I'm an unorthodox type of guy, a funny guy - at least I think I'm funny. And one of the things I like to do is come up with nicknames for myself.

But I think funny and talent will always win out; I mean, of course there are hurdles, but I think if you're funny you will get over all of that.

I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.

Our characters were antiseptic but we weren't. And if you remember what we did on BATMAN, as the scripts were written very funny, we played them very straight.

No matter how popular you are as a stand-up - you can go out and fill a 10,000-seat arena and be smart and funny - it's delicate to host an awards show and know where your place is and know that it's not about you, that it's about the people who are nominated, and respect that, but at the same time have your moment to show them who you are.

I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

My vanity is not dead. I laugh when I see pictures of myself as I am now-maybe so I won't cry, but just because it is really funny how much I've changed.

I wanted to be that quirky girl who writes funny songs that still have meaning.

Movies these days have made killers into funny people. What's that all about? I've got kids and family and friends, and I don't like bad things. I don't think they're funny, and it's irresponsible to make movies that don't show you how that's not good.