Funny Quotes

You can't be funny for funny's sake. You try to get as outrageous situation as you can but it always has to be believable and based in real character motivations and what people would really do.

My fake plants died because I did not pretend to water them.

Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.

Our national flower is the concrete cloverleaf.

People see my impressions as a great skill and I am flattered, but there are things I can't do that everyone else can. I can do funny voices and funny faces but I can't drive.

It's funny how the hippies and the punks tried to get rid of the conservatives, but they always seem to get the upper hand in the end.

I don't think there has been any increase in sophistication in the audience. When people are aware of a concept that's easy to understand, and there's an actor who will attract them to the theater and it's a movie that's funny three-quarters of the time, it will be successful.

I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

So, deadpan I think just means not acknowledging for one second that you think that this is funny and clever.

I'm a pretty funny guy, and I would love to do a comedy with a bunch of funny guys - movie-star guys, where they could help me through it.

I love playing a dad. It's hard to find family dramas that are genuinely funny.

The word 'Spanx' was funny. It made people laugh. No one ever forgot it.

At school I was very shy. I wasn't funny really.

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.

My father was a really funny guy. He lived a good long life. And he was the reason I wanted to be funny and become a comedian and a comedy writer, so to say that he's somewhat of a mythic figure in my life would be an understatement.

I mean I've seen 3D films so far and I think it's a long way to go before they replace actors. It's a funny thing with 3D, I haven't quite got it yet. Yet.

You amaze me. You're 229 years old and that's what you think is funny.

I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking.

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.

Same thing, like my commercials are often times really funny because I tend to find 30 seconds is a really good amount of time to tell a joke.

Every cloud has its silver lining but it is sometimes a little difficult to get it to the mint.

If you take a bunch of superstars and put them in a room where they don't have their assistants and entourage, it's funny to see what happens.

Only bad golfers are lucky. They're the ones bouncing balls off trees, curbs, turtles and cars. Good golfers have bad luck. When you hit the ball straight, a funny bounce is bound to be unlucky.

It's funny, after a while, you get tired of having to fight someone because they don't like the way you look.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If you're talking about Java in particular, Python is about the best fit you can get amongst all the other languages. Yet the funny thing is, from a language point of view, JavaScript has a lot in common with Python, but it is sort of a restricted subset.

Everyone comes up to me saying, 'Cooee, Julie! Hello!' as if I know them. Of course I don't bloody know them. Am I flummoxed by it? Sometimes. I think, 'Ooh, love, go easy.' For a time, I did feel this pressure that I had to be funny, but it passes.

The funny thing is, people's perceptions of what a song is about is usually wrong a majority of the time. But they're still going to read what they want to into it.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

In the Netherlands I read the first chapter of Exquisite Corpse to an audience that laughed in all the places I thought were funny - an experience I've never had in America!