Quotes By Don Rickles

They always use the word 'insult' with me, but I don't hurt anybody. I wouldn't be sitting here if I did. I make fun of everybody and exaggerate all our insecurities.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

I told jokes badly.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

You can't study comedy; it's within you. It's a personality. My humor is an attitude.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

I was always the guy - out of insecurities, I was always making fun, even as a kid.

I never went out looking for glory.

I cannot tell a joke. But I can do a situation, that it becomes a joke.

When I'm onstage, I'm acting.

Some people say funny things, but I say things funny.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

Well, I call myself an actor. I always wanted to be one.

I mean, in my - and I'm not trying to do spilled milk, but in those days it was a little - I think it was much tougher, because you got an image, and you were in a saloon. And it was tough to come out of a saloon and to get in films, and to maintain an image, you know.

I'm very shy so I became very outgoing to protect my shyness.

Political correctness? In my humor, I never talk about politics. I was never much into all that.

Show business is my life. When I was a kid I sold insurance, but nobody laughed.

I have a problem, if the light goes on on TV and it blinks midnight, I don't know how to fix it.

Smartphones. Who cares? Smartphones. I only have dummy phones.

To me, the stand up part in my life is great. I know I can do that. When I get an acting chance, I'm really thrilled.

I still have drive, but everything is relative.

You know what's funny to me? Attitude.

I have to have energy because I have a lot of expenses. A couple of cars, couple of dogs and a big estate.

Everything I've ever done in my whole career, people might not know, I've never written anything down on paper.

Eddie Fisher married to Elizabeth Taylor is like me trying to wash the Empire State Building with a bar of soap.

To my knowledge, I was the first guy really to do what I do. And then later on different comedians started trying doing it.

I do situations and make fun of authority and life.

I was a mother's boy.

I have no idea what I'm going to say when I stand up to give a toast. But I do know that anything I say I find funny.

My whole act is off the top of my head.