Quotes By Chris Rock

Gun control? We need bullet control! I think every bullet should cost 5,000 dollars. Because if a bullet cost five thousand dollar, we wouldn't have any innocent bystanders.

Charlie Brown is the one person I identify with. C.B. is such a loser. He wasn't even the star of his own Halloween special.

I've seen women who don't have great relationships with their dads, and it all comes down to this: You have to tell girls you love them every day.

A sense of humor is great - it goes a long, long way in a marriage.

By the time I was 7 or 8, I wanted to be a comedy writer.

My goal in life was to host the MTV Awards, because it's the awards show that Prince sang on, and that was the awards show that Eddie Murphy hosted and Arsenio hosted.

I live way below my means.

I'm in show business... I want to hang out with Janet Jackson, not Jesse Jackson.

Every town has the same two malls: the one white people go to and the one white people used to go to.

Only married people understand you can be miserable and happy at the same time.

You can only offend me if you mean something to me.

Movies have takes. But plays are like life - you don't really get takes.

If you properly clean a room, it gets dirtier before it gets cleaner.

You don't pay taxes - they take taxes.

If a woman tells you she's twenty and looks sixteen, she's twelve. If she tells you she's twenty-six and looks twenty-six, she's damn near fourty.

I love being famous. It's almost like being white.

I think my best work is when I'm kind of in charge.

My first year on 'SNL', I made $90,000 dollars.

Sometimes people offer you plays, they offer you parts, but they only offer it because I'm famous.

I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

Dude, I didn't say Jude Law can't act. I didn't say Jude Law was in bad movies. I just said he's in every movie.

A man is only as faithful as his options.

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

America is the greatest country in the whole world.

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.