Quotes By Chris Rock

I can't cook, but I have a nice book of menus... and I can plate and set the table.

Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.

Who's judging American Idol? Paula Abdul? Paula Abdul judging a singing contest is like Christopher Reeve judging a dance contest!

A man is only as faithful as his options.

America is the greatest country in the whole world.

Comedy is a group activity, a verbal orgy.

Music is the soundtrack to the crappy movie that is my life.

When I hear people talk about juggling, or the sacrifices they make for their children, I look at them like they're crazy, because 'sacrifice' infers that there was something better to do than being with your children.

I was bused to a school in Gerritsen Beach in Brooklyn in 1972. I was one of the first black kids in the history of the school.

When I do stand-up, I'm basically doing a one-man show.

After I left high school and got my GED, I studied broadcast journalism for a year at a community college.

Gay people got a right to be as miserable as everybody else.

A comedy club is a place where you work out material, you're trying material.

A white boy that makes C's in college can make it to the White House.

I'm an independent, but I got to admit I lean Democratic.

No film critic's going to say it, but 'Madagascar 3' is better than 'The Artist.'

The key to staying together is making sure you guys like each other and need each other.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Hollywood's just not funny.

Most parts in comedy, they're not really written for men. They're written for, like, these boy-men.

Kids always act up the most before they go to sleep.

Here's what I knew about doing a play: I knew it would make me a better actor.

Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.

Bill Cosby was the first comedian I was exposed to, because he doesn't curse.

Welcome to the 77th and last Oscars.

Black people dominate sports in the United States. 20% of the population and 90% of the final four.

You don't need a critic to tell you people aren't laughing.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Anything you can suck at should make you nervous.

Comedians tend to find a comfort zone and stay there and do lamer versions of themselves for the rest of their career.