Quotes By Groucho Marx
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.
Groucho Marx
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.
Groucho Marx
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.
Groucho Marx
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
Groucho Marx
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.
Groucho Marx
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.
Groucho Marx
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something.
Groucho Marx
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
Groucho Marx