Quotes By George Burns

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.

I'm very pleased to be here. Let's face it, at my age I'm very pleased to be anywhere.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending, then having the two as close together as possible.

Acting is all about honesty. If you can fake that, you've got it made.

Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

Nice to be here? At my age it's nice to be anywhere.

Be quick to learn and wise to know.

Look to the future, because that is where you'll spend the rest of your life.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

How can I die? I'm booked.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

I'm at the age now where just putting my cigar in its holder is a thrill.

It's hard for me to get used to these changing times. I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

If it's a good script I'll do it. And if it's a bad script, and they pay me enough, I'll do it.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

I don't believe in dying. It's been done. I'm working on a new exit. Besides, I can't die now - I'm booked.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

I can't afford to die; I'd lose too much money.

It's good to be here. At 98, it's good to be anywhere.

Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that's down can come up.

If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.

I smoke ten to fifteen cigars a day. At my age I have to hold on to something.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.