Quotes By George Burns

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

If you ask what is the single most important key to longevity, I would have to say it is avoiding worry, stress and tension. And if you didn't ask me, I'd still have to say it.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I would go out with women my age, but there are no women my age.

You've got to be honest; if you can fake that, you've got it made.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

At my age flowers scare me.