Funny Quotes

They say Yogi Berra is funny. Well, he has a lovely wife and family, a beautiful home, money in the bank, and he plays golf with millionaires. What's funny about that?

I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.

The funny thing is, Dennis Miller got me back into comedy.

I love readings and my readers, but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright, and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud, and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful, but I'm annoying, and a phony.

I would do it today because the thing that appealed to me was not necessarily the mechanics of the robot, but it was his personality and how funny and charming he was.

Sixth grade was a big time, in my childhood, of hoops and friendship, and coming up with funny things.

Funny, I don't feel any more powerful today than yesterday.

I saw a woman wearing a sweatshirt with Guess on it. I said, Thyroid problem?

I really wanted to find a piano for the farm house. There were so many free pianos on Craigslist, I thought, 'Let's get as many free pianos as we can and stick them all in the barn.' I got eight in a short period of time, only six of which were tunable, but it's still quite funny.

There's nothing cure or funny or lovable about being cheap. It's a total turn-off.

I never say a funny thing intentionally.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

If people want to compete for leadership of a religious group, they can compete in piety. A chilling thought. Or funny.

Sometimes I want to do something that's really funny and other times I read an indie script that is going to be made for nothing but I want to do it because I think that I can connect with something in the story.

We need two kinds of acquaintances, one to complain to, while to the others we boast.

I never thought I'd live this long. It sounds funny because I still think of myself as a kid.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

People never ask people doing serious music, 'Do you ever think about doing funny music?'

And remember, it's also very funny, because side by side with grief lies joy.

You're only as good as your last haircut.

Courtney Love is really cool and funny. I would like to meet Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz. I think I could play their daughters.

I thought 'Borat' was a breakthrough comedy, because it was really funny. It wasn't some studio-produced script with 14 writers.

It's funny, because I did all of these interviews as soon as I had the baby, and they were asking questions, and I really didn't have an idea of anything, because I was so blurry.

A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours.

Before, I guess, mum and dad were everything, but now, in my case, I had two new girls and all of a sudden they're completely dependent on you and there's a third generation. It's a funny shift all of a sudden. You have the babies, you have yourself and then you have your parents.

I could party in a cardboard box with people who are funny and don't care. For me, it's really about who I surround myself with, so I just try to always be with hilarious people.

I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who are in a situation beyond their control is not funny to them or their families.

Chris Hemsworth is like Christopher Reeve in that he can do two things: he can wear a big red cape without a shred of self-consciousness. But he's also funny as hell, and he's so sweet. So with all the fish-out-of-water stuff, he's so funny. So he does almost two jobs in a way.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.