Quotes By Colin Quinn

The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.

Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.

I'm just another guy who thinks he's smarter than he is, in a long line of them.

I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.

Humanity is a crazy contradiction. I accept us for who we are. We're not that great. Every time we take a step forward we go back to the same primitive behavior. We're meant to be this way. It's not our fault, it's just who we are.

I don't know any comedian who tailors his act to his audience. Maybe people say they do, but I can't even imagine them.

If I had to give up everything else and keep just one aspect of the job, I'd have to keep writing because I love it. Yes, I enjoy performing, too. But I couldn't give up writing material.

I would say most comedians have a very cynical worldview of the way the world can work. It's almost like if you didn't, you couldn't be a comedian.

I think Helen of Troy must have been pretty hot. She got two countries going crazy for 10 years over her.

People's - most people's job is talking about the future or like money not even in the present tense. It's not even paper.

I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself.

That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.

A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My standup isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.

My stand-up act? I combine the fact that the world is a violent place with the fact that each person is responsible for the situation they are in.

I think everyone should own six guns, even though I don't own any.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write.

I like guy stuff.

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it.

The only people who like to live alone more than comics are priests.

When I look back now I realize I was such an obnoxious kid but, you know, I went to schools like you, like a public school in New York so compared to the anarchy that was going on there, they really wouldn't - I wasn't like a bad kid. I saw people come in and punch the teachers.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs.

Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves.

For the most part, comedians are pretty friendly with each other. They always say they badmouth each other, but most of the time, they're friends. We're the only ones that can really stand our type of humor.

You know how it is with writing. You just write what you want to write. There's no way to predict what is good or bad. You just do what you think is funny, and either it works or you're finished. It's impossible to predict anything.

I was a class clown.

I always wanted to write as much as perform.

You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.

I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.