Quotes By Colin Quinn

You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

The ancient Greeks were the first ones to say an unexamined life is not worth living. They don't tell you of course what we found out, an examined life not that fascinating either.

Twitter is one of those dangerous toys that if it gets in the hands of the wrong person you'll have the mind of a 12-year-old masquerading as an adult.

With comedians, you have that understanding that we're trying to get laughs.

Everybody says before reviews come out, 'Oh, reviews don't matter,' just in case they're bad; everyone want to brace themselves.

I was a class clown.

Everybody's funny in different ways.

My name has zero value.

You can't make money on Broadway. You make nothing. You maybe make like $1,350 a week after you pay out all the producers.

The mistake that people make in stand-up is thinking they're profound or they're deep when there are so many people who have more worthwhile ways of phrasing things.

I think if you try to tailor your act to anybody, you end up with an act that doesn't work anyway.

I'm not a big method actor. I'm much more superficial.

I've been to Japan, I've been to China, I've been to Africa, I've been to the Middle East, I've been to Europe a little bit. I've never been to South America.

I'm always working on stuff. But they never materialize. I'm always working on movies and TV shows.

Marie Antoinette was funny, I'm sure she was just misinterpreted. You know the 'Let them eat cake' line. She seems like she was kind of funny, like a Chelsea Handler or Kathy Griffin type.

If I had to give up everything else and keep just one aspect of the job, I'd have to keep writing because I love it. Yes, I enjoy performing, too. But I couldn't give up writing material.

I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.

I think I identify more with the smart guy, but most people might take umbrage at that. I like to think of myself as a real thinker, but I suppose people might beg to differ.

The thing that drives me crazy is when comics say 'I have low self-esteem.' No you don't. You're standing on stage asking people to pay. You don't play an instrument. You want people to pay to hear what's in your mind. You don't have low self-esteem. You might have other problems.

Those early days of comedy are when you get addicted to it.

I love people, I love studying people more than history. So whatever situation I see, then I look at, what were the people like, more than history itself.

That's the beauty of being a comedian - it's the one job you're allowed to do that. We're lucky. We're really lucky.

I get the impression the English kings were witty, for some reason. I feel like all you had was your wit.

A weird sort of awareness set in, like, 'Wow. My standup isn't just separate from everything else I do anymore.' With Twitter and Face book, everything is universal that everything everybody says gets seen.

It was tumultuous, it was crazy, but I would not trade it for anything.

I feel most empires fell when they started to act human, but then look at Russia. They kept a pretty strong hand, and they fell from Afghanistan alone because Afghanistan is the graveyard of empires. I guess you just can't sustain it.

I write all the time - I write poetry, I love to write.

You know, the funny thing about Lorne and that show is that, you can go over one million things, but in a business of bean counters, he still likes to laugh at small things and creates a show around it.

When I look back now I realize I was such an obnoxious kid but, you know, I went to schools like you, like a public school in New York so compared to the anarchy that was going on there, they really wouldn't - I wasn't like a bad kid. I saw people come in and punch the teachers.

Stand-up is live, so I'm used to being live for most of my career. It's interesting.