Quotes By Lily Tomlin

No matter how cynical you become, it's never enough to keep up.

I guess if people couldn't profit from war I don't think there would be war.

Remember we're all in this alone.

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

I worry that the person who thought up Muzak may be thinking up something else.

If you read a lot of books you are considered well read. But if you watch a lot of TV, you're not considered well viewed.

The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

The best mind-altering drug is the truth.

Reality is nothing but a collective hunch.

You know being relevant or coming up with something interesting, funny to say about what's current is just as hard as it might ever be depending on the serendipity of it all.

I always wondered why somebody doesn't do something about that. Then I realized I was somebody.

It's my belief we developed language because of our deep inner need to complain.

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?

Creating characters is just another way to express a type and put that type to use.

Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.

I like a teacher who gives you something to take home to think about besides homework.

What if it's boring - or if it's not boring, it might be too revealing, or worse, it might be too revealing and still be boring.

If I had known what it would be like to have it all - I might have been willing to settle for less.

I especially love 'Web Therapy' and I did 'Eastbound and Down' too. I had a lot of fun doing that.

For fast-acting relief try slowing down.

The road to success is always under construction.

Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

I personally think we developed language because of our deep need to complain.

There's so much plastic in this culture that vinyl leopard skin is becoming an endangered synthetic.

We are all in this together, by ourselves.

Sometimes I feel like a figment of my own imagination.

We don't care. We don't have to. We're the phone company.

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse.