Quotes By Robin Williams

Having George W. Bush giving a lecture on business ethics is like having a leper give you a facial, it just doesn't work!

Cricket is basically baseball on valium.

People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House.

You're only given a little spark of madness. You mustn't lose it.

We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.

If it's the Psychic Network why do they need a phone number?

We've had cloning in the South for years. It's called cousins.

Okra is the closest thing to nylon I've ever eaten. It's like they bred cotton with a green bean. Okra, tastes like snot. The more you cook it, the more it turns into string.

I only ever play Vegas one night at a time.

The Russians love Brooke Shields because her eyebrows remind them of Leonid Brezhnev.

Comedy is acting out optimism.

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

Carpe per diem - seize the check.

We have a president for whom English is a second language. He's like 'We have to get rid of dictators,' but he's pretty much one himself.

You can start any 'Monty Python' routine and people finish it for you. Everyone knows it like shorthand.

Gentiles are people who eat mayonnaise for no reason.

Why do they call it rush hour when nothing moves?

The Statue of Liberty is no longer saying, 'Give me your poor, your tired, your huddled masses.' She's got a baseball bat and yelling, 'You want a piece of me?'

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they've got nothing to lose.

Look at the walls of Pompeii. That's what got the internet started.

I don't do well with snakes and I can't dance.

Reality: What a concept!

I like my wine like my women - ready to pass out.

No matter what people tell you, words and ideas can change the world.

You have this idea that you'd better keep working otherwise people will forget. And that was dangerous.

Do you think God gets stoned? I think so... look at the platypus.

I believe Ronald Reagan can make this country what it once was... a large Arctic region covered with ice.

In America they really do mythologise people when they die.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

Ah, yes, divorce... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet.