Quotes By Joe Rogan

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.

I've done jiujitsu a huge chunk of my life, and I try to spend a lot of time educating people on the nuances, the subtleness of the ground game. It's a big part of mixed martial arts.

I talk so much about sex that girls just want to meet me.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.

When someone comes along and expresses him or herself as freely as they think, people flock to it. They enjoy it.

I really feel like it's a travesty to make a child famous. I really do.

When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.

Dick Gregory was a great comedian who went and got arrested, did hunger strikes, protests. It never hurt his career to be outspoken.

I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.

After this whole acting thing is over and done, you eventually have to be human. Some people are never human. It's very weird.

Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.

Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.

Your body's really only meant to compete at the highest levels of combat sports for a few years.

If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time.

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.

People want their 15 minutes and are willing to do anything to get it.

The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.

I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.

Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get.

Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.

Have you ever talked to someone, and you're not even really talking to them? Actors are the worst for that.

If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.