Quotes By Joe Rogan

I had a great time on News Radio, I got to make tons of money in relative obscurity and learn a lot about the TV biz and work on my standup act constantly. It was a dream gig.

That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.

I don't care if you're gay, black, Chinese, straight. That means nothing to me. It's all an illusion.

The audience changes every night. You're the same person. You have to speak your mind and do the stuff that you think is funny and makes you laugh.

I really never had any ambitions to be a standup comic. I was talked into it by guys that I used to work out with.

Because I have a girlfriend, I try and take the straight and narrow path, which is good because it prevents VD.

I had seen movies before that that had made me laugh, but I had never seen anything even remotely close to as funny as Richard Pryor was, just standing there talking.

Reality really is theater. There's no other way to describe it. It's all so nonsensical, ridiculous and chaotic.

If someone plays a brooding actor in a film, people think they're brooding all the time.

Comedy is really not like any other art form in that it's very specialized and varied in it's content, but generic in it's title.

Richard Pryor is, in my mind, the most honest comedian. He bared his soul to people. I think that's why everybody loved him so much.

I never want to compromise my act just to get a laugh.

The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.

I'm a huge Groucho fan. There were some great comic minds that would transfer into any generation, and Groucho is certainly one of them.

Being a celebrity or anything else where you're really ambitious, it's really a game to see how successful you can get.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

I've been involved in mixed martial arts since 1997 when I first started working for the UFC.

Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.

My act is so completely and totally uncensored that the only way I could really pull it off is if I treat the audience like they're my best friends.

The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.

I never in my wildest imagination dreamed that I would somehow become a sports commentator.

You're sort of programmed a certain way because of your environment. That's all you know. But we don't have that anymore because of the internet. Because of the internet we're all communicating with each other all across the board, so you're getting information from people all around the world, hitting a much more diverse slice of culture.

If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.

When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.

But it's hard for a chick to do comedy. It's not as open for them.

The comics I hate are thieves. Nothing's more disgusting than a guy who steals another person's ideas and tries to claim them as his own.

It never hurt Lenny Bruce's career to get arrested for swearing. It did back in the time, but he broke those doors down by doing the stuff that he believed in.

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

People for the most part can smell lies.

To me, comedy is a great occupation because I don't really worry that much about what other people think of me.