Quotes By Josh Billings

As scarce as truth is, the supply has always been in excess of the demand.

Every man has his follies - and often they are the most interesting thing he has got.

Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe.

Old maids sweeten their tea with scandal.

It is a very delicate job to forgive a man, without lowering him in his own estimation, and yours too.

Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel.

Woman's influence is powerful, especially when she wants something.

Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go.

Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well.

Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return.

The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear.

It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so.

Be like a postage stamp. Stick to one thing until you get there.

I think when the full horror of being fifty hits you, you should stay home and have a good cry.

It is much easier to repent of sins that we have committed than to repent of those that we intend to commit.

As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them.

The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way.

The best time for you to hold your tongue is the time you feel you must say something or bust.

I haven't got as much money as some folks, but I've got as much impudence as any of them, and that's the next thing to money.

Laughter is the sensation of feeling good all over and showing it principally in one place.

Reason often makes mistakes, but conscience never does.

One of the best temporary cures for pride and affectation is seasickness; a man who wants to vomit never puts on airs.

There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory.

A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug.

Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do.

The best medicine I know for rheumatism is to thank the Lord that it ain't gout.

There are two kinds of fools: those who can't change their opinions and those who won't.

The wheel that squeaks the loudest is the one that gets the grease.

It is not all bad, this getting old, ripening. After the fruit has got its growth it should juice up and mellow. God forbid I should live long enough to ferment and rot and fall to the ground in a squash.

Words are often seen hunting for an idea, but ideas are never seen hunting for words.