Jokes Quotes

People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the heart? It's obvious I've got big ones and if people want to assume they're not mine, then let them.

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father.

I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

I crack jokes and play games and that's really more my nature than being cold.

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

But it's fun to be something, have that, and you don't have to be real. It's like, comedians. They go on and they're doing all these jokes. I would be like that if I were more awake.

I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.

I can't crack jokes because I don't have any.

I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.

I sort of try to write everything for me. I'm a huge sports fan but have no interest in minutiae. I don't remember who won Super Bowls five years ago or listen to sports talk radio. I'm trying to make sure the jokes are self-contained so they're accessible to everyone.

I'm the youngest of four, and I'm always the clown - making the jokes, wanting attention.

I have my own gym. When you do jokes and they sell, you get a gym.

In black neighborhoods, everybody appreciated comedy about real life. In the white community, fantasy was funnier. I started looking for the jokes that were equally hilarious across the board, for totally different reasons.

The whole experience of doing a sitcom is... Telling jokes with such precision is really exciting, but it's also terrifying.

I don't care what the haters and naysayers say. If they make jokes about me, I'll laugh because they'll probably be funny.

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.

I suppose the common idea of me is that I'm going to be someone who's hyper and cracking jokes all the time, but people who meet me are soon disabused of that notion.

All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.

One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me... to actually take the orbiter first and fly it for maybe 10 or 15 seconds and then hand it on over to Scooter.

Our solution on 'The Simpsons' is to do jokes that people who have an education, or some frame of reference, can get. And for the ones who don't, it doesn't matter, because we have Homer banging his head and saying, 'D'oh!'

Don't make jokes about food.

It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh.

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.

I've never really told jokes. I'm not good at it.

Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.

When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.