Jokes Quotes

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.

I crack jokes and play games and that's really more my nature than being cold.

I have friends who are going through chemotherapy, and they make the darkest, most hideous cancer jokes you've ever heard.

A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.

But it's fun to be something, have that, and you don't have to be real. It's like, comedians. They go on and they're doing all these jokes. I would be like that if I were more awake.

Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

I do jokes about what's funny, and both sides are funny.

I'm not here to affect you politically or socially. I'm here to make you laugh. I use the news as the palette for my jokes.

'St. Elmo's Fire' is one of my favorite films. I like the storytelling of those teenage American films. You don't get that now. Teenage American movies are all about sick jokes, puking a lot, arse jokes.

People make jokes about my bosoms, why don't they look underneath the breasts at the heart? It's obvious I've got big ones and if people want to assume they're not mine, then let them.

If you keep making jokes like that, somebody is going to shoot you, father.

I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.