Funny Quotes

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I am the shortest and least funny person in my family.

One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.

For some reason and I don't know why, but I don't think that I'm funny in California. So I always want to do my movies east somewhere.

I allow a lot of room for improvisation and funny stuff. I always feel planned.

The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

I guess the producers saw me and knew I was literate and I always tried to be alert and it's funny because you have to have a sharpness to do those shows, especially some of the ones I did in later years.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

I don't think know if anything's going to translate anywhere. You're making a movie, you hope it's going to be funny, you can't think about how it's going to go over.

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.

It's funny looking at yourself. You know how it is when you look back at old pictures? It's just funny looking back at yourself walking and talking at age 14.

Some people can do things and get away with it. Comics are famously like that. Why is it that some guys can say the most horrible things and it's not offensive, it's funny?

I have an older sister named Haley and she wanted to be an actress. So I wanted to be an actress. It's really funny the way that some people don't give kids enough credit for like really being driven, and really wanting to do things so badly.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

It's sad and upsetting when you see somebody crying hysterically, but at the same time it's real funny.

It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life.

You know I'm an actress, not just a funny lady.

I think the pattern of my essays is, A funny thing happened to me on my way through Finnegans Wake.

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

The funny thing is, I look at these magazines that make me so insecure and neurotic, but I'm in them!

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

Most of the gaffes I've made have not been funny - they've been stupid.

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.

Especially with a comedy, you've got the clear cut goal of trying to make a scene funny. It's not like drama where you're trying to achieve some kind of emotion or trying to further the story along. You're trying to figure out what's the funniest way to do something.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Most shows, you really have to force it. And everybody's nervous, and the network is nervous, and they've all got their notepads out, and they're all going to give notes on what they think is funny, and everybody's trying to spin their jokes, and this was so - the script was so good that we didn't have to really do anything, and it made it so easy for us to do well.

At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.'

And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.