Quotes By Larry David

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue.

Let's not forget, I got divorced.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

I believe in something.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.

I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me.

I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

You know, I'm really not that bright.

I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore.

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.

I'm still driving a Prius, yeah.

If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.

I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.

I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

OK, I'm happy. I'm happy. All right? I'm happy.

Most people think I'm immodest.

Anything that's for free, people will take. They don't discriminate.

Actually I walk around with the Emmy wherever I go, but I'm very casual about it.