Quotes By Larry David

I was very fortunate to hook up with Jerry in the first place. The network was already committed to doing something with him, so I skipped a couple of hundred steps right there.

And eventually as I kept writing it, something emerged that was not quite me but a version of me.

No, I am a crier and if people ever saw me privately they would be shocked at what a bowl of mush I am underneath it all.

I couldn't be happier that President Bush has stood up for having served in the National Guard, because I can finally put an end to all those who questioned my motives for enlisting in the Army Reserve at the height of the Vietnam War.

I have no secrets.

There are times when I'm driving home after a day's shooting, thinking to myself, That scene would've been so much better if I had written it out.

I have reservations about everything I do.

I think Michael Moore is a hero.

The only change I can really see is that I don't have to shop for pants in stores anymore.

It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically.

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue.

Let's not forget, I got divorced.

I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.

I believe in something.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.

I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me.

I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.

I still think of that guy I was without a wife or kids, and I still want to entertain that guy. The lonely guy, the frustrated guy, the guy with no money - this is the guy who needs to laugh.

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

You have to discover when you're inadequate to be funny and you don't know you're inadequate when you're a kid.

You know, I'm really not that bright.

I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.

I don't like to be out of my comfort zone, which is about a half an inch wide.

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.