Quotes By Larry David

I think Michael Moore is a hero.

Sometimes I have these fantasies of just moving to a foreign country and coming back with a full head of hair. Or not even come back! Make a new life there with hair... Change my name, just see what happens.

It's always good to take something that's happened in your life and make something of it comedically.

It's that I wasn't suited to do the kind of comedy that these people were coming to hear - mainstream comedy.

I was planning on my future as a homeless person. I had a really good spot picked out.

Even though the National Guard and Army Reserve see combat today, it rankles me that people assume it was some kind of waltz in the park back then.

People don't yell nasty things at actors - they let them continue.

Let's not forget, I got divorced.

I don't write shows with dialogue where actors have to memorize dialogue. I write the scenes where we know everything that's going to happen. There's an outline of about seven or eight pages, and then we improvise it.

Women love a self-confident bald man.

I believe in something.

Hear the birds? Sometimes I like to pretend that I'm deaf and I try to imagine what it's like not to be able to hear them. It's not that bad.

The addition of nuts in salad... I always find to be beneficial.

I never thought for a second that anything I ever did was going to make someone cringe. That never occurred to me.

I'm not a person who embraces challenges. I run from challenges. I break world records running from challenges.

It began to dawn on me that perhaps my country needed me more at home than overseas.

Trying on pants is one of the most humiliating things a man can suffer that doesn't involve a woman.

I gave a funny speech at my wife's birthday party, and I'm thinking, 'Hey, I've still got it.'

You know, I'm really not that bright.

I've been in therapy. I know enough about myself now to know that I really don't need to know anymore.

Anyone can be confident with a full head of hair. But a confident bald man - there's your diamond in the rough.

Hey, I may loathe myself, but it has nothing to do with the fact that I'm Jewish.

Sure, being a reservist wasn't as glamorous, but I was the one who had to look at myself in the mirror.

I don't really know much about TV and what people want to see. I'm not that well-informed about it.

Most people are completely unaware of their breath. They violate your space, they have no idea that they have halitosis.

I'm still driving a Prius, yeah.

If I tried to flirt with a woman and she didn't know who I was, she would run away.

Religion doesn't play any part in my life in terms of how I live my life. But I don't think I've ever gone through a day in my life without hearing someone say the word 'Jew' or saying it myself.

I like to be quiet, and let people find me rather than having to shout at them.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.