Quotes By Dane Cook

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.

I get so into the moment.

Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.

I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.

I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.

Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when you think you're drowning.

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.

People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.

My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

I love hecklers. They remind you that you are a comedian.

I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.

I'm a late-night guy.

I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do it myself. Because nobody trusts that I can do it.

I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a lapel mike and just start performing.

I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office editing or reconstructing my website or whatever it may be. I just love putting creativity into a performance, so if the right script comes along, and I certainly am reading comedies and dramas now, then I'm ready willing and able to give it a shot.

I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.

I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.