Quotes By Dane Cook

I've lived in LA for so long, I don't even know what is real and what isn't any more.

When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their laughter. You're looking at the crew guys, hoping someone is making that face like, and not like, this is not working out, man.

I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own expectations.

I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.

I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this great success. It was a blast and we had a lot of laughs. And it was just an amazing time. They passed away. And then after I got, you know, famous, all these haters came out of nowhere.

I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.

I'm interested in doing everything and anything that I can to squeeze that creativity out of my brain. I guess I'm sort of a performance rat.

I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.

In the year 3000, everything will be instant.

I get so into the moment.

Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not that often that you can meet someone as cool as Vince.

I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.

My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.

Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.

I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.

We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.

No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling, oh it's the worst... when you think you're drowning.

Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.

When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.

When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy anyway, but it was over the top.

People know I have a good time on stage. I love my life. I love my job.

If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.

That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.

I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?'

I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.

I had never done a roast, but I really wanted to, because it's so different from standup.

You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.

My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'

I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always really been into toasters. I'm giving it all up.

Christina can sing all the notes, but Britney is just hot!