Quotes By Joe E. Lewis

I play in the low 80s. If it's any hotter than that, I won't play.

A man is never drunk if he can lay on the floor without holding on.

Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.

I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.

I always wake up at the crack of ice.

I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.

We can afford almost any mistake once.

There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.

I would take a bomb, but I can't stand the noise.

I don't drink any more than the man next to me, and the man next to me is Dean Martin.

I drink to forget I drink.

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

Whenever someone asks me if I want water with my Scotch, I say I'm thirsty, not dirty.

I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.

Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.

They had me on the operating table all day. They looked into my stomach, my gall bladder, they examined everything inside of me. Know what they decided? I need glasses.

You only live once - but if you work it right, once is enough.

If you want to make a dangerous man your friend, let him do you a favor.

I distrust camels, and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.

It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.

Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.

You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.

I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.

It pays to get drunk with the best people.

Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.