Funny Quotes

I think Secretary's funny, it is about sex, and there's a lot of sex in it, sex is the key, but you're talking about a lot of other complicated things.

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

Keep your sense of humor, my friend; if you don't have a sense of humor it just isn't funny anymore.

O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.

What's David's role? David looks good, that's what David does. David looks good, and I'm the funny one, that's what I hear constantly. But I keep telling him that looks fade.

You know the funny thing, I don't get along with rich people. I get along with the middle class and the poor people better than I get along with the rich people.

Actually, the funny thing is, after all these years, I've got all these new songs to learn for the show we're doing at Joe's Pub, so it's kind of fun to get down and rehearse new things, and also rethink some of the older songs, how we're going to do them.

I come more to Scotland than I ever used to, so I feel more connected to it, more part of the zeitgeist. You know when you realize you have a choice and I'm choosing my homeland. It's funny: when you get older these things creep up to you.

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.

It's funny, because I'm a man of strong opinions and when I make one, I stand by it even if it starts to appear incorrect to me after a while.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

A rich man's joke is always funny.

People don't realize that I'm really funny and I'm an excellent bridge player.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.

Parents are the last people on earth who ought to have children.

It's funny that people think because you don't have a movie or record out, you disappear into a frozen chamber someplace. They think you're dead when you're not in the public eye.

Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples.

I watched a lot of silent directors who were absolutely great like John Ford and Fritz Lang, Tod Browning, and also some very modern directors like The Coen Brothers. The directors take the freedom within their own movies to be melodramatic or funny when they chose to be. They do whatever they want and they don't care about the genre.

Screaming at children over their grades, especially to the point of the child's tears, is child abuse, pure and simple. It's not funny and it's not good parenting. It is a crushing, scarring, disastrous experience for the child. It isn't the least bit funny.

I think it's always funny when somebody thinks you're going to do something super sexy and then you don't.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I don't know. I think it's funny! I think it's funny! I go, what? It's so absurd. I'm alone.

If you play it straight it's funny - the best comedy is always played straight down the middle. The adjustment is understanding from the screenplay that a moment is hilarious.

The inventory process and stepping back in your life can sometimes be a very dark process. But it also can be extremely funny and surprising.

I think sometimes my humor is extremely dry, and a lot of times I would say things that I thought were very funny but... I have a reputation of - people think of me as a very fundamentalist, humorless fellow.

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

The funny thing is, I'm not really a big reader, not a big fan of books in the first place.

But you can't focus on things that matter if all you've been is asleep for forty years. Funny how sleep rhymes with sheep. You know.