Funny Quotes

But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone.

The day I made that statement, about the inventing the internet, I was tired because I'd been up all night inventing the Camcorder.

John Ford was so funny that I couldn't wait to go to work in the morning.

Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny.

Lots of models have played mermaids throughout history and it is, kind of, a funny rite of passage.

I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet.

Stealing, you'll go far in life. Actually, there is something funny about getting away with it.

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.

Comedy is surprises, so if you're intending to make somebody laugh and they don't laugh, that's funny.

Funny is only something that others know about you - you can't be funny by yourself.

I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature.

I'm sorry, if you were right, I'd agree with you.

Robert Altman's 'Nashville' is my all-time favorite film because it covers all the bases - it's original, moving, and has something to say, but also funny and incredibly entertaining.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?

I am lactose intolerant, and I always thought it was really funny how people who are lactose intolerant continue to eat dairy, because they like it so much. And I find it not acceptable.

I wouldn't totally rule out doing Letterman or the Tonight Show if I had a set that I just happened to write that I thought was funny but was still appropriate for network censors. But I'm not going to go out of my way.

Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life.

Well, I had said to my friends, it's going to be good, but I bet it's going to be cheesy in a way. And I didn't think that at all. It's so good and was just so funny.

I've never been married, but I tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me.

I only have three scenes and each is a turn and she gets progressively drunker. It's all terribly funny and its main challenge is that it's so far away from what I usually do.

I grew up in a funny way.

No, it's funny, when I eat out it's not typically in the kind of restaurants people might imagine.

I think they should have a Barbie with a buzz cut.

I sometimes lie awake at night trying to think of something funny that Richard Nixon said.

I don't mean to be funny.

I also think if you're an actor and you can improvise, when you go on an audition and you can improvise you're just a genius. If you can, you know, take a Tide commercial and you can just say one funny line that's not in the commercial they think you're a genius.

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.

I really don't know what makes a comedian. I think it's a family background and environment. Yet if you put the same ingredients in another person, he may never utter a funny line.

I no doubt deserved my enemies, but I don't believe I deserved my friends.

It's funny, when bands or younger musicians ask me: 'So, what does it take to make it?' Well, first explain to me what you mean by 'making it': Do you want to be a rock star or do you want music to be your livelihood?