Quotes By Ogden Nash

Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.

Certainly there are things in life that money can't buy, but it's very funny - Did you ever try buying then without money?

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else.

Professional men, they have no cares; whatever happens, they get theirs.

I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all.

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up.

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

The cow is of the bovine ilk; one end is moo, the other milk.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.