Quotes By Ogden Nash

Do you think my mind is maturing late, or simply rotted early?

If you don't want to work you have to work to earn enough money so that you won't have to work.

One man's remorse is another man's reminiscence.

Middle age is when you're sitting at home on a Saturday night and the telephone rings and you hope it isn't for you.

A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.

I claim there ain't Another Saint As great as Valentine.

The trouble with a kitten is that eventually it becomes a cat.

I think remorse ought to stop biting the consciences that feed it.

Parents were invented to make children happy by giving them something to ignore.

The most exciting happiness is the happiness generated by forces beyond your control.

I have an idea that the phrase 'weaker sex' was coined by some woman to disarm the man she was preparing to overwhelm.

Life is not having been told that the man has just waxed the floor.

I hope my tongue in prune juice smothers, If I belittle dogs and mothers.

Some debts are fun when you are acquiring them, but none are fun when you set about retiring them.

To keep your marriage brimming, With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong, admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up.

Every New Year is the direct descendant, isn't it, of a long line of proven criminals?

Oh, what a tangled web do parents weave when they think that their children are naive.

Remorse is a violent dyspepsia of the mind.

People who have what they want are fond of telling people who haven't what they want that they really don't want it.

Women would rather be right than reasonable.

Progress might have been alright once, but it has gone on too long.

There is only one way to achieve happiness on this terrestrial ball, and that is to have either a clear conscience or none at all.

I would live all my life in nonchalance and insouciance, Were it not for making a living, which is rather a nouciance.

Too clever is dumb.

The only people who should really sin are the people who can sin and grin.

Marriage is the alliance of two people, one of whom never remembers birthdays and the other who never forgets them.

The bed is a bundle of paradoxes: we go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make up our bodies every morning to keep it late.

Children aren't happy with nothing to ignore, and that's what parents were created for.

Every Englishman is convinced of one thing, viz.: That to be an Englishman is to belong to the most exclusive club there is.

There are people who are very resourceful, at being remorseful, and who apparently feel that the best way to make friends is to do something terrible and then make amends.