Quotes By Bob Newhart

I love portraying the totally indifferent person.

I don't have a stack of scripts.

I think there's a part, just a part of comedians, that is still childlike.

I don't know how many sacred cows there are today. I think there's a little confusion between humor and gross passing for humor. That's kind of regrettable.

Well, my career choice made a difference because I never would have met my wife, Jenny. I met her through comedian Buddy Hackett. He set us up on a blind date and then we got married.

I was not influenced by Jack Benny, and people have remarked on my timing and Jack's timing, but I don't think you can teach timing. It's something you hear in your head.

The only thing I have never done is a Broadway play. I'm not sure I have the discipline necessary to do a Broadway play. I know it holds a fascination for certain actors.

I'm very open to the up-and-comers.

Funny is funny is funny.

Comedians are never really on vacation because you're always at attention... that antenna is always out there.

It was a decision to work clean. I just prefer to work that way. I have no problem with comedians who don't work that way. There was a temptation in the early '70s to reconsider. I decided against it.

When I started out in 1960, I thought it might possibly last a couple of years. I never expected it to last 42. I take great satisfaction in that longevity.

All I can say about life is, 'Oh God, enjoy it!'

I think one reason for a successful marriage is laughter. I think laughter gets you through the rough moments in a marriage.

I worked in accounting for two and a half years, realized that wasn't what I wanted to do with the rest of my life, and decided I was just going to give comedy a try.

I've been told to speed up my delivery when I perform. But if I lose the stammer, I'm just another slightly amusing accountant.

Well I was much too practical to presume to have a career in comedy.

I was never a Certified Public Accountant. I just had a degree in accounting. It would require passing a test, which I would not have been able to do.

It's getting harder and harder to differentiate between schizophrenics and people talking on a cell phone. It still brings me up short to walk by somebody who appears to be talking to themselves.

The first time I got up in front of an audience was terror, abject terror, which continued for another four or five years. There still is, a little bit.

Laughter gives us distance. It allows us to step back from an event, deal with it and then move on.

All comedians are, in a way, anarchists. Our job is to make fun of the existing world.

I'm most proud of the longevity of my marriage, my kids, and my grandchildren. If you don't have that, you really don't have very much.

I think you should be a child for as long as you can. I have been successful for 74 years being able to do that. Don't rush into adulthood, it isn't all that much fun.

Jack Benny was, without a doubt, the bravest comedian I have ever seen work. He wasn't afraid of silence. He would take as long as it took to tell the story.

I was influenced by every comedian I ever saw work. That's the only way you learn how to do it.

This stammer got me a home in Beverly Hills, and I'm not about to screw with it now.

Don't be silly and don't waste your time.

You do a clean show and it's over and the audience have enjoyed themselves and you've enjoyed yourself, and you haven't had to resort to shock.

When you're going for a joke, you're stuck out there if it doesn't work. There's nowhere to go. You've done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you're out on the end of the plank.