Jokes Quotes

There's a few tunes of mine that don't have jokes, but most of them have a joke and they have a humorous point of view somewhere.

I've never really told jokes. I'm not good at it.

Our show was - it remained - you know, kids could watch it and laugh at it. And they wouldn't know - they wouldn't get the jokes. But they would laugh at it. So they tell me now they have grown up and they're watching it. Now they get the jokes. But we didn't say anything blatant.

When I was 14, I thought I was the coolest kid in school because I told everyone the jokes in FHM.

I know these jokes aren't great, ladies and gentlemen, see this is the problem you run into when you're between impeachments.

I'm sure we, the American people, are the butt of jokes by those in power.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.

I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.

One of the jokes on our flight is that, if we have a normal entry day going, the plan is for me... to actually take the orbiter first and fly it for maybe 10 or 15 seconds and then hand it on over to Scooter.

Our solution on 'The Simpsons' is to do jokes that people who have an education, or some frame of reference, can get. And for the ones who don't, it doesn't matter, because we have Homer banging his head and saying, 'D'oh!'

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

It was a somber place, haunted by old jokes and lost laughter. Life, as I discovered, holds no more wretched occupation than trying to make the English laugh.

My driver Kellie Frost and I would race these fellows home and they were always faster on the highway. We did the same with Daniel and his driver, and thus began a long series of jokes and competitions to alleviate the impossible hours and tensions this film provoked.

The shouting and opinion and jokes don't exist if there isn't first a story.

Working with Chaplin was very amusing and strange. His films are so funny, but working with him, I found him to be a very serious man. Whereas the films of Hitchcock are macabre, he could be a very funny man to work with, always telling jokes and holding court. Of course, when I worked with Charlie he was getting older.

Most shows, you really have to force it. And everybody's nervous, and the network is nervous, and they've all got their notepads out, and they're all going to give notes on what they think is funny, and everybody's trying to spin their jokes, and this was so - the script was so good that we didn't have to really do anything, and it made it so easy for us to do well.

Comedy, at least the way I write comedy, is just drama with jokes.

For every ten jokes you acquire a hundred enemies.

The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past. Look at Michael Jackson, he never evolved.

But television, when I was doing it, was all about scoring. You had to make these jokes bang, do whatever you could to make the material really pop. And if it didn't, there was something wrong with the material, or with you.

I never believe them when they say that because you really have to sort of be aware of what's going on in the news in order to get the jokes on the show.

Wit is a weapon. Jokes are a masculine way of inflicting superiority. But humor is the pursuit of a gentle grin, usually in solitude.

The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, and the laughs that he gets between the jokes rather than on top of the jokes.

I'm not good at anything except writing jokes. I wasn't good at sports, I wasn't good at anything artsy, ever. I think there was a real worry for a while about what I would be good at. I was just this chubby little Indian kid who looked like a nerd.

I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.

A lot of the jokes had some build-up to some nasty stuff. But most of it was all character situations leading to what the ultimate payoff would be for that character.

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

When you have a couple hundred people in one huge space, that's gonna lead to jokes and it's a breeding ground for practical jokes and teasing.

Most jokes state a bitter truth.

I've never considered stand-up. Luckily I'm given great lines to say. I'm not sure how great my timing would be if I actually had to come up with my own jokes.