Joke Quotes

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I don't really know what is shocking. When you tell the story of a man who is beheaded, you have to show how they cut off his head. If you don't, it's like telling a dirty joke and leaving out the punch line.

You learn to kid around and joke and not take things too seriously because somehow its all gonna work out for the best - or you're gonna make it work out.

If you keep up with pop culture, everybody knows the joke.

Describing comic sensibility is near impossible. It's sort of an abstract silliness, that sometimes the joke isn't the star.

Cartooning is about deconstruction: you gotta tear something down to make a joke.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

To go from Girl, Interrupted, where I had to cry every day, to a TV show like West Wing where I get to laugh and joke around every day, has been a welcome relief.

It's so easy to judge everybody and for some reason extra weight is the one thing everything feels OK to joke about.

I'm still no good at ball-and-stick games. If I go play golf with the guys, it's intended to be a joke.

Even when I lecture per se, I am a joke comedian, I can do the voices.

We all have, in my family, what we call the 'Vorderman bottom' - a sticky out, bigger-than-normal, signature, of the rear variety. It's been a family joke all our lives - even my lovely brother has one. I know the lines to all the good singalong big bum songs.

I always make this joke that I know you were expecting to see the big skirts and the hoops. But that was a long time ago. Artists aren't always seen as real people. If you start out as a teenager, sometimes people want to keep you locked as that. But I'm a woman now.

A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal, and then by a sudden twist you land him nowhere at all or just where he didn't expect to go.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

Cooking allows you to have travels, adventures and journeys without going anywhere. The running joke between my partner and me is that I'm not really concerned about how long it takes, or how much I destroy the kitchen, because I just have such a good time doing it.

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much.

Actors fall into this trap if they missed being loved for who they really were and not for what they could do - sing, dance, joke about - then they take that as love.

Desegregation is a joke.

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.

When I was growing up, my mother was always a friend to my siblings and me (in addition to being all the other things a mom is), and I was always grateful for that because I knew she was someone I could talk to and joke with, and argue with and that nothing would ever harm that friendship.

Completely committed to adapting 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. This is not a joke. Christian Grey and Ana: potentially great cinematic characters.

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.

I'd come from the bottom of the barrel. Just Owen Hart getting out of the shadow of Bret Hart's little brother. Everyone figured, this is a joke, Owen's going to get squashed.

Directing a movie is serious, it's not a joke.

As for pictures and museums, that don't trouble me. The worst of going abroad is that you've always got to look at things of that sort. To have to do it at home would be beyond a joke.