Joke Quotes

I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart's on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.

Gentle dullness ever loves a joke.

The joke newspaper, it says Canada abandons the monarchy.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. That's the funniest joke in the world.

I think we're the only jokeless show on television. I mean really, we have no setups and no punch lines. It's not a joke show. There are funny lines and funny moments but again the comedy is born of the human experience and awkward pauses are a great part of what it is to be human.

In Japan, you have no idea what they are saying, and they can't help you either. Nothing makes any sense. They're very polite, but you feel like a joke is being played on you the entire time you're there.

I joke that my niche in Hollywood has been naked foreigners.

The joke I always make about myself is that I'm self-involved, but I'm not vain.

In almost every interview someone asks what does HIM stand for. I can't even remember our latest lie about that. When Hanson was hot, we said it means Hanson Is Murder. The name doesn't have a particular history. His Infernal Majesty was a totally different band. I think HIM derives from some death metal joke.

These endless legal challenges that define elections in New York are a joke in this country, and they are the reason why it is so expensive, or one of the reasons, it's so expensive to run here and why so many people decide not to run.

My father was the kind of guy who'd always say 'Throw out any subject and I got a joke on it.'