Joke Quotes

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

Cooking allows you to have travels, adventures and journeys without going anywhere. The running joke between my partner and me is that I'm not really concerned about how long it takes, or how much I destroy the kitchen, because I just have such a good time doing it.

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much.

Actors fall into this trap if they missed being loved for who they really were and not for what they could do - sing, dance, joke about - then they take that as love.

Desegregation is a joke.

When I was growing up, my mother was always a friend to my siblings and me (in addition to being all the other things a mom is), and I was always grateful for that because I knew she was someone I could talk to and joke with, and argue with and that nothing would ever harm that friendship.

Completely committed to adapting 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. This is not a joke. Christian Grey and Ana: potentially great cinematic characters.

Cartooning is about deconstruction: you gotta tear something down to make a joke.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

To go from Girl, Interrupted, where I had to cry every day, to a TV show like West Wing where I get to laugh and joke around every day, has been a welcome relief.

It's so easy to judge everybody and for some reason extra weight is the one thing everything feels OK to joke about.

I'm still no good at ball-and-stick games. If I go play golf with the guys, it's intended to be a joke.

Directing a movie is serious, it's not a joke.

As for pictures and museums, that don't trouble me. The worst of going abroad is that you've always got to look at things of that sort. To have to do it at home would be beyond a joke.

The joke I wanted to put into one of the promos for this new season, was to have a guy come up to me and say, Hey! Tony! I love your show, I've watched you every night since you started! And then I'd say, Ah! You're the one!

I once told a journalist that girls call me 'Kitten,' but I couldn't have been more sarcastic, and no matter how many times I've said that it was a joke, it still doesn't go away.

I sometimes joke, Paula, even paranoid people have enemies.

I love doing six versions of any joke, so if they'll give me six takes, I'd love to do it.

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

I don't dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don't think it was a joke, I don't think it was funny or a phase, I don't think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don't distance myself from any of it.

You can read Kant by yourself, if you wanted to; but you must share a joke with someone else.

If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times.

But today, I feel the genuine warmth, the affection, and although I may joke about it, I am touched.

Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

I will do almost anything for the sake of a joke or for the sake of someone's real belief in something to help tell a story. I will not do something shocking for the sake of being nasty. If it's not hurting anyone's feelings, I'm in on the joke.

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

It devastates me now that I have been reduced to a Hollywood statistic - another joke marriage.

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.