Joke Quotes

I never told a joke in my life.

I also try to think of ways to articulate the joke more economically.

Last Friday night, I Twitted a photograph of myself that I intended to send as a direct message as part of a joke to a woman in Seattle. Once I realized I posted to Twitter I panicked, I took it down and said that I had been hacked. I then continued with that story, to stick to that story which was a hugely regrettable mistake.

Everybody doesn't have to get every joke. People really appreciate not being condescended to.

The joke of our time is the suicide of intention.

My joke, which isn't really a joke, is that there will be one of two tours: the tour for the album that does well, or the tour for the album that stiffs.

One time when somebody showed up in a wedding dress, but I never knew if it was a joke, or she was serious. She asked me to marry her. She was serious. It was pretty funny.

So, whenever Scooter was the Pilot, he never had a chance to fly the orbiter. So, the joke is: I'm going to have a chance to fly it first and hand it over to him.

Sex is God's joke on human beings.

Everybody I know is a joke writer.

I have done things politically, and I've been running a business at the same time, but I sort of joke that to some extent I do more than most legislators have done in their whole careers, and I've been doing it as a part-time job.

I joke that I learned the essentials of storytelling from Hanna-Barbera, but I pretty much did. That kind of television is what enamored me as a kid, and that's what really got me hooked. You could say that's where it all began.

If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.

I like to write a joke without any fat on it.The shorter the better. I cater for people with ADD, basically.

Now, everybody, I suppose, is aware that in recent years the silly business of divination by dreams has ceased to be a joke and has become a very serious science.

I'm a bit of a worrier, to an extreme. I'll crack a joke, then worry if I've offended someone - even when they're laughing. I have a guilt complex, always worrying.

I always laugh the hardest at the stuff you see in day-to-day life. It's great when somebody can tell a joke that really makes you laugh hard, but to see some kind of personal interaction that no one could write is so good. Those are always the things that make me laugh.

I recently did the David Letterman Show about my book. He was very serious and made no jokes and it caught me off guard a little bit. He was much more serious than some of the joke shows that journalists get on.

You've really got to start hitting the books because it's no joke out here.

Almost every venerable tradition at a men's club starts out as a joke.

And I admit it: there's a rather dirty thrill when 700 people laugh at a joke you've written.

I didn't plan to be the rude middle-class comedian. You write a certain type of joke that you find funny, and mine happen to be often rude. Yes, it's juvenile, but that's me.

You could read Kant by yourself, if you wanted; but you must share a joke with some one else.

I joke around a lot about the manic times because they're funny. We manics do outrageous things and it is part of our colorful nature.

We joke about it in the entertainment industry: Every actor wants to be a musician, and every musician wants to be an actor.

It's not a joke: I really do like being at home.

A rumor that followed me forever was that my family was in the mafia. For years I had to live with it. They'd call me the mafia princess, so I rolled with it for the rest of high school. People even joke about it today.

I didn't just want to be Frank's daughter who sang Boots. I take my music very seriously and studied very hard. It's not a joke to me.

It would be a bitter cosmic joke if we destroy ourselves due to atrophy of the imagination.

I've been writing joke songs since I was a kid and it served me well at S.N.L. I can write those in my sleep. In fact, I have.