Joke Quotes

A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal, and then by a sudden twist you land him nowhere at all or just where he didn't expect to go.

A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

Cooking allows you to have travels, adventures and journeys without going anywhere. The running joke between my partner and me is that I'm not really concerned about how long it takes, or how much I destroy the kitchen, because I just have such a good time doing it.

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much.

Actors fall into this trap if they missed being loved for who they really were and not for what they could do - sing, dance, joke about - then they take that as love.

Desegregation is a joke.

But today, I feel the genuine warmth, the affection, and although I may joke about it, I am touched.

Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

I will do almost anything for the sake of a joke or for the sake of someone's real belief in something to help tell a story. I will not do something shocking for the sake of being nasty. If it's not hurting anyone's feelings, I'm in on the joke.

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.

I'd come from the bottom of the barrel. Just Owen Hart getting out of the shadow of Bret Hart's little brother. Everyone figured, this is a joke, Owen's going to get squashed.

Directing a movie is serious, it's not a joke.

As for pictures and museums, that don't trouble me. The worst of going abroad is that you've always got to look at things of that sort. To have to do it at home would be beyond a joke.

The joke I wanted to put into one of the promos for this new season, was to have a guy come up to me and say, Hey! Tony! I love your show, I've watched you every night since you started! And then I'd say, Ah! You're the one!

I once told a journalist that girls call me 'Kitten,' but I couldn't have been more sarcastic, and no matter how many times I've said that it was a joke, it still doesn't go away.

I sometimes joke, Paula, even paranoid people have enemies.

I love doing six versions of any joke, so if they'll give me six takes, I'd love to do it.

I don't dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don't think it was a joke, I don't think it was funny or a phase, I don't think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don't distance myself from any of it.

You can read Kant by yourself, if you wanted to; but you must share a joke with someone else.

It is the ability to take a joke, not make one, that proves you have a sense of humor.

If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times.

I remember when I was in college, I used to watch Julia Child's cooking show during dinner and joke with my roommates about becoming a TV chef.

From as long as, literally as far back as I can remember I've liked puns, word jokes, I can literally recall looking at a comic at the age of six or seven and I remember what I enjoyed and what it was precisely and how the joke worked.

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.

Advice is sometimes transmitted more successfully through a joke than grave teaching.

Same thing, like my commercials are often times really funny because I tend to find 30 seconds is a really good amount of time to tell a joke.