Joke Quotes

The English had hit upon a splendid joke. They intended to catch me or to bring me down.

Once you start thinking about it in a mercenary frame of mind, then you're finished. You're a joke, because there are too many mercenaries out there already.

It's easier not to make a particular joke in case it offends. But every joke will offend someone, and I've always believed that the audience is bigger than one person. The danger is that things will become bland.

Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to jokes.

If you work at comedy too laboriously, you can kill what's funny in the joke.

That's something - you laugh about Eminem... It's funny, man, because I didn't like him when he first came out, ya know. It seemed like a big joke. But I think the guy's for real, and I like his lyrics!

I always joke and say I want to invent a comfortable stiletto and then retire.

I think of a piece, and then people who are competent fabricate it. But lately I've started finger painting, which probably should be a joke but isn't!

I think repeating yourself is a sign of old age, telling the same joke again and again. Especially if they're jokes that don't make people laugh.

Vicodin, I got addicted to that little pill. The reason I don't talk about it too much in the press is because it isn't funny, and I love to be funny in interviews. If you joke about that period in your life, it doesn't seem right.

I've made a lot of grown men cry with laughter, because I really am quite the joke.

In my deepest parts of sadness, I'm always making a joke or being sarcastic.

Have you ever heard a good joke? If you've ever heard someone just right, with the right pacing, then you're already on the way to poetry. It's about using words in very precise ways and using gesture.

Kids enjoy laughing and are seldom bored when they find something funny. They also ask questions, often to adults, because they understand that the more words they can comprehend about a funny story or a joke, the more they'll enjoy it.

My friends are people who like building cool stuff. We always have this joke about people who want to just start companies without making something valuable. There's a lot of that in Silicon Valley.

Eternity is a mere moment, just long enough for a joke.

Years ago I was a runway model, and I used to get laughs. I thought it was a joke anyway.

Every man who is high up likes to think he has done it all himself; and the wife smiles, and lets it go at that. It's our only joke. Every woman knows that.

Paris and Nicky Hilton? Those girls will show up to the opening of a phone book. It's like a big joke.

I think when people mean that Discworld books have become darker they really mean the series is growing up. In 'The Colour of Magic' most of the city is set alight. It's a joke, in much the same way that the Earth is destroyed almost at the start of Douglas Adams's 'The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy.'

A symphony is no joke.

He who does not understand a joke, he does not understand Danish.

I always thought of Levittown as a joke.

Being funny is one of my greatest strengths. I can make girls smile when they're down, and when they're having a good time, I can carry on the joke.

Anything where we're the butt of the joke, no one tells us about it.

I joke to people in the press that I realize I'm not black, I'm actually white. But I've got these roots in black American music. I love it.

You go, well you can't joke about race. Well if you're from a different race and that's your experience of the world and you want to talk about that, then fine. Or you can't talk about disability, but disabled comics can talk about that.

When I'm writing the book I'm laughing at just how overblown the characters seemed. How full of himself he seems. But I didn't get far enough in the series to really drive the joke of it home.

Americans do believe in progress and there is almost certainly a kernel of truth in the joke.