Someone Quotes

Aye, I'm tellin' ye, happiness is one of the few things in this world that doubles every time you share it with someone else.

But ours was intended to be a citizen government. It is what of, by and for the people means. And when our most important issue in California is the creation of jobs, I think it's quite helpful to have someone in the U.S. Senate or in the governor's seat who actually knows where jobs come from.

I don't think the government is out to get me or help someone else get me but it wouldn't surprise me if they were out to sell me something or help someone else sell me something. I mean, why else would the Census Bureau want to know my telephone number?

I think if you have a two-story office and you hire someone who's handicapped, it might be reasonable to let him have an office on the first floor rather than the government saying you have to have a $100,000 elevator.

As someone who worked hard for a Labour victory in the 90s, do I regret it? Not really. It was bound to happen. And it'll happen with the next government, and the one after it. Because all governments serve us. They serve the filth.

Someone has to stay on the line and say, no, we can do this by cutting spending and reducing the size of government. That's what I was committed to doing.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks.

It's always funny until someone gets hurt. Then it's just hilarious.

I know what Germans are. They are a funny people. They are always choosing someone to lead them in a direction which they do not want to go.

I always like to watch comics and it's interesting that you can tell if someone's funny in 10 seconds.

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

I love readings and my readers, but the din of voices of the audience gives me stage fright, and the din of voices inside whisper that I am a fraud, and that the jig is up. Surely someone will rise up from the audience and say out loud that not only am I not funny and helpful, but I'm annoying, and a phony.

Without hurting anybody, we all tend to laugh at others' discomfort. When someone slips on a banana skin and falls it's funny.

Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.

It's unbearable when someone changes around you. Just imagine that your life partner changes, then it is difficult to cope with. Or your mother. Or your father. They were strong and now they're like a baby - it's not so funny.

It's a real primal thing, watching someone get hurt. It's funny and accessible.

It's painful for me to watch someone who isn't funny. It's horrifying to sit in the back and watch some guy who just totally sucks.

Mmmm... the comedy that matters is the comedy you pull out of thin air. It's a bit like when something funny has happened and you try to explain it to someone else and end up saying, 'You had to be there.'

I'm not a believer in the pratfall. I don't think it's funny just to have someone fall down.

I remember interviewing someone I actually felt bad for, and therefore didn't want to take an ironic stance against him. It actually turned out to be a really funny piece.

It's funny, after a while, you get tired of having to fight someone because they don't like the way you look.

But I really like hosting, I think it's a strength of mine. It allows me to improvise, and I love the spontaneity of that, and I think I'm funny behind the desk when interviewing someone.

I guess when I think about it, one of the things I like to dramatise, and what is sometimes funny, is someone coming unglued. I don't consider myself someone who is making the argument that I support these choices. I just think it can be funny.

It's funny when someone says to you 'you're hot' and all that, because I don't think of it in that way.

Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.

A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.

A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else.

Rejoicing in our joy, not suffering over our suffering, makes someone a friend.