Quotes By David Sedaris

I like books on tape, and will listen to just about anything.

Sometimes with 'The New Yorker,' they have grammar rules that just don't feel right in my mouth.

I love 'Glee.' I cry all the time when I watch 'Glee' because I don't know if it's satire or melodrama and that makes me feel like the writing is aware of itself, and that makes it okay to cry.

I sometimes read books on my iPad.

Because I've always been a fairly nervous person.

I like to reserve the right to write about whatever I like.

I don't have email.

They were nothing like the French people I had imagined. If anything, they were too kind, too generous and too knowledgable in the fields of plumbing and electricity.

I go to the movies at least five times a week, and after a while everything becomes a blur to me.

I haven't got the slightest idea how to change people, but still I keep a long list of prospective candidates just in case I should ever figure it out.

People ask if I miss it, but they don't understand that American culture is so ubiquitous that there's nothing to miss. I don't see myself moving back. It's not that I hate the United States. I just always thought it would be a shame not to live in a foreign country.

I started writing when I was twenty, and my first book came out seventeen years later.

But I'm a humorist. I'm not a reporter, I never pretended to be a reporter.

Lovers of audio books learn to live with compromise.

I like nonfiction books about people with wretched lives.

If I'm riding my bike I just replay the same scenarios over and over in my head, like I haven't had a new mental adventure since high school. So that's what I like about books on tape, so my mind can't wander anywhere.

I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer.

I meet people at book signings. My record now, for signing, is ten and a half hours in one sitting.

I felt uncomfortable calling myself a writer until I started with 'The New Yorker,' and then I was like, 'Okay, now you can call yourself that.'

I started writing one afternoon when I was twenty, and ever since then I have written every day. At first I had to force myself. Then it became part of my identity, and I did it without thinking.

People ask me, 'Have you ever considered doing stand-up?' To me it would be less offensive if someone asked me, 'Have you ever considered dental implants?'

I always think it's a good policy to like the people who like you.

No one writes dialect better than Flannery O'Connor. No one should even try.

Do I exaggerate? Boy, do I, and I'd do it more if I could get away with it.

I've never gone on Facebook and am not sure I understand it. The same goes for Twitter. I have someone sending tweets and pretending to be me, but I don't know why.

But most good movies have a gun in them.

I tend to show everything I do to my family, to check they won't be offended.

Also, I used to think that one day I might get someone to iron my shirts, but the truth is I really like doing them myself.

I've been keeping diaries for 27 years.

I like listening to books as well, as that way you can iron at the same time.