Toilet Quotes

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

Well, I've thought many times when my career was in the toilet, that I was going to have to seriously consider getting another job, I don't know what I'd do.

Today, the degradation of the inner life is symbolized by the fact that the only place sacred from interruption is the private toilet.

It's not hard to tell we was poor - when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.

The main part of the house is a deep red and I have butterscotch carpet. And I have a bathroom with leopard skin floor, wallpaper and toilet.

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

Acting is invigorating. But I don't analyse it too much. It's like a dog smelling where it's going to do its toilet in the morning.

I was the only westerner to succeed in a place that's like a toilet, and you always come out of a toilet with a smell.

When someone follows you all the way to the shop and watches you buy toilet roll, you know your life has changed.

I'm shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I won't sit on a toilet seat on a plane. I'm certainly not going to go on somebody's lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress?

There are some ghost stories in Japan where - when you are sitting in the bathroom in the traditional style of the Japanese toilet - a hand is actually starting to grab you from beneath. It's a very scary story.

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

I have a very silly sense of humor. I've never laughed harder in my entire life than seeing someone with toilet paper stuck on the bottom of their shoe.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper.

It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet.

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

I'm horrible to live with. I don't clean. My clothes end up wherever I take them off. I forget to flush the toilet.

Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.

You do live longer with bran, but you spend the last fifteen years on the toilet.

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse.

I walk into rooms and I don't know why I'm there. I'm like, 'Why am I standing in front of the toilet now?'

Most people in America want an easy read. I call it McFiction - books which pass right through you without you even digesting them. I don't mean a book that has two-syllable words. I mean chapters you can read in a toilet break. Happy endings. We are more of a TV culture.

You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some weird coloured embossed stuff.

I'm a little thirsty, can I go drink out of your toilet?