Toilet Quotes

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper.

There is a lot of rubbish written about toilet humour - people saying it is childish and pretending it is beneath them - but there is no doubting the effectiveness of a really good willy gag.

I'm shy. I can go on a trip for days and not go because I won't sit on a toilet seat on a plane. I'm certainly not going to go on somebody's lawn. Could you imagine, in a cocktail dress?

Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

I was the only westerner to succeed in a place that's like a toilet, and you always come out of a toilet with a smell.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

Every time I went on the radio, I would take the crummiest radio station, the station that was like a toilet bowl. I would go on there and build up the ratings, so you couldn't do any worse.

There are some ghost stories in Japan where - when you are sitting in the bathroom in the traditional style of the Japanese toilet - a hand is actually starting to grab you from beneath. It's a very scary story.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

You can almost judge how screwed up somebody is by the kind of toilet paper they use. Go in any rich house and it's some weird coloured embossed stuff.

I've always loved 3D. In fact, as a kid, I was exposed to 3D at an early age because my grandfather was a specialist of 3D in cinematheques. And then my cousin put it in 'Science of Sleep' with toilet paper tube cities. But he was a specialist and I always wanted to do something in 3D.

It is better to have a relationship with someone who cheats on you than with someone who does not flush the toilet.

It is difficult to produce a television documentary that is both incisive and probing when every twelve minutes one is interrupted by twelve dancing rabbits singing about toilet paper.

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.