Toilet Quotes

Most people in America want an easy read. I call it McFiction - books which pass right through you without you even digesting them. I don't mean a book that has two-syllable words. I mean chapters you can read in a toilet break. Happy endings. We are more of a TV culture.

In the period where I had to live the life of a citizen - a life where, like everybody else, I did tons of laundry and cleaned toilet bowls, changed hundreds of diapers and nursed children - I learned a lot.

In Michigan, a liberal democrat raised taxes and kept their government programs at the same level. And guess what? Their economy continued into the toilet, it continued down.

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet.

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

My dad used to flush my mother's head down the toilet. I was so screwed up.

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.

I refuse to go into a fast-food outlet - to use the toilet even - in case anyone got the wrong idea and thought I was sneaking in a quick burger.

Yup, the toilet is my best friend before a show.

It's not hard to tell we was poor - when you saw the toilet paper dryin' on the clothesline.

I didn't go to high school. I think that after you learn to read and write and do your numbers and flush the toilet behind yourself, you don't need no more schoolin'. You need to get out in the water and swim.

I think the bottom line for me and for Newsweek is that there were a lot of - we did retract this specific matter about the Koran and the toilet for the reasons that you just cited.

Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!

And I have this little litany of things they can do. And the first one, of course, is to write - every day, no excuses. It's so easy to make excuses. Even professional writers have days when they'd rather clean the toilet than do the writing.

When somebody follows you 20 blocks to the pharmacy, where they watch you buy toilet paper, you know your life has changed.