Joke Quotes

Cooking allows you to have travels, adventures and journeys without going anywhere. The running joke between my partner and me is that I'm not really concerned about how long it takes, or how much I destroy the kitchen, because I just have such a good time doing it.

I've been paying alimony since I was 14 and child support since 15. That's a joke, but not by much.

Actors fall into this trap if they missed being loved for who they really were and not for what they could do - sing, dance, joke about - then they take that as love.

Desegregation is a joke.

When I was growing up, my mother was always a friend to my siblings and me (in addition to being all the other things a mom is), and I was always grateful for that because I knew she was someone I could talk to and joke with, and argue with and that nothing would ever harm that friendship.

Completely committed to adapting 'Fifty Shades of Grey'. This is not a joke. Christian Grey and Ana: potentially great cinematic characters.

Cartooning is about deconstruction: you gotta tear something down to make a joke.

I'm not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I'm not.

To go from Girl, Interrupted, where I had to cry every day, to a TV show like West Wing where I get to laugh and joke around every day, has been a welcome relief.

It's so easy to judge everybody and for some reason extra weight is the one thing everything feels OK to joke about.

I'm still no good at ball-and-stick games. If I go play golf with the guys, it's intended to be a joke.

Even when I lecture per se, I am a joke comedian, I can do the voices.

Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever heard a joke about a father-in-law?

We all have, in my family, what we call the 'Vorderman bottom' - a sticky out, bigger-than-normal, signature, of the rear variety. It's been a family joke all our lives - even my lovely brother has one. I know the lines to all the good singalong big bum songs.

I always make this joke that I know you were expecting to see the big skirts and the hoops. But that was a long time ago. Artists aren't always seen as real people. If you start out as a teenager, sometimes people want to keep you locked as that. But I'm a woman now.

A joke is not a thing but a process, a trick you play on the listener's mind. You start him off toward a plausible goal, and then by a sudden twist you land him nowhere at all or just where he didn't expect to go.

I always told everybody the perfect joke would be where the setup and punch line were identical.

After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

Sometimes it's hard to tell if a joke is working or not for the first couple of minutes.

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

I don't dismiss the music that I was involved with, I don't think it was a joke, I don't think it was funny or a phase, I don't think it was just something I was doing back then, to me it was who I am. It connects all the way through. I don't distance myself from any of it.

You can read Kant by yourself, if you wanted to; but you must share a joke with someone else.

If I can't face my accusers, that's a joke. We did that in medieval times.

But today, I feel the genuine warmth, the affection, and although I may joke about it, I am touched.

Musician jokes are a kind of joke that usually have to do with how much money someone makes. Musicians are always starving, so they're really mean to each other about who makes what.

I will do almost anything for the sake of a joke or for the sake of someone's real belief in something to help tell a story. I will not do something shocking for the sake of being nasty. If it's not hurting anyone's feelings, I'm in on the joke.

I love a stupid joke, something that doesn't make any sense.

It devastates me now that I have been reduced to a Hollywood statistic - another joke marriage.

Barack Obama is like the old joke about boats. The two best days of owning a boat are the day you buy it and the day you sell it.

I'd come from the bottom of the barrel. Just Owen Hart getting out of the shadow of Bret Hart's little brother. Everyone figured, this is a joke, Owen's going to get squashed.