Funny Quotes

It's funny what a few no-hitters do for a body.

The most exciting phrase to hear in science, the one that heralds new discoveries, is not 'Eureka!' but 'That's funny...'

I like the idea of being out there regularly with an audience and with a funny gang of people. That's what I grew up with - doing television, doing shows every week.

TV is easier: it's all planned out for you and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over.

I would really love to do a musical, I don't know in what capacity but something funny.

You can't make everybody laugh. You gotta just do what you think is funny. Just be obstreperous to everybody.

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.

If it's inappropriate to write about, if there's nothing funny about it, then it's not funny.

Never fight an inanimate object.

With improv, it's a combination of listening and not trying to be funny.

Johnny Rotten. He's a big fan of mine. I used to see him out in the audience in England and he'd stand up and holler. He's funny. Smart too, and a nice guy. Don't think he's a jerk because he isn't.

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.

I've always been part of comedy. One of the things about our family was that if we were reasonably funny with each other, particularly my two brothers and myself, when my father was upset with something you'd want to make sure in some way you made him laugh. Because when he didn't laugh, you were in trouble!

When you're out of sight for as long as I was, there's a funny feeling of betrayal that comes over people when they see you again.

Funny is funny is funny.

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.

I was so afraid to even read a paper in front of my classmates. It is very funny because at that point my teachers would never have believed that I could speak in front of an audience of over 2,000 people.

If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the number of funny things passed in one session of congress.

You asked what is the secret of a really good sketch. And it is a sketch is a small play. It's got a beginning, and a middle and an end. It should have a plot; it should have the characters, conflict. It is a little play. And in it, will be funny stuff.

I think I'm funny because my family, my siblings were funny.

Get your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.

I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad.

It is funny that men who are supposed to be scientific cannot get themselves to realise the basic principle of physics, that action and reaction are equal and opposite, that when you persecute people you always rouse them to be strong and stronger.

The funny thing is that I had never actually watched TV.

Who do I like? I am a big fan of French and Saunders - not that that they are particularly stand-up I have to say, but I think they have been great for women and they are of themselves just incredibly funny whether they are male or female.

I'm not a very serious person. You know how they say that clowns are very funny in public and are really sad at home? I'm really kind of stupid at home and more serious in public.

Never floss with a stranger.

Funny you mention my dinner parties when I have just suggested that inviting close friends over to share a meal with candlelight and wine at your table could be a form of religious experience for some people. To me it's a form of sacrament.

I watch things that are fun, or funny, or interesting.

There's a constant flow of child actors. It's kind of funny to watch the new crew come through. I think, You poor little things. You're going to have to struggle for a long time.