Funny Quotes

At home in L.A., Sunday is lazy. It's the wife and me lying in bed with coffee, watching 'The Soup' or something funny on TiVo. The kid will occasionally join us. Eventually, breakfast is at a place down the street called Paty's. And we always have some kind of great dinner - my wife makes a great roast beef.

There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.

The commentary track became a lot like the movie and there are some funny, long, awkward pauses that you can tell we're just trying to find stuff to say. None of us had gotten to really talk about the movie until that moment and they were in New York and we were in L.A.

My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra.

The books are funny and sad, and that's what people respond to.

Great, big, serious novels always get awards. If it's a battle between a great, big, serious novel and a funny novel, the funny novel is doomed.

My mom's passionate and energetic and very funny and enthusiastic.

I think sometimes I should do more carousing, because I don't do much and maybe it would be fun occasionally. It's hard for me to have fun and I'm a serious thinker and a searcher and funny from the front.

Until you walk a mile in another man's moccasins you can't imagine the smell.

I think I knew I was funny in Elementary School. I think most funny people realize it when they're young. It tends to come out of stress or trauma - something that makes you want to be funny.

I used to think that everything was just being funny but now I don't know. I mean, how can you tell?

I got to play with Nintendo's Wii, yes it's a funny name and not very revolutionary but it was fun whipping your arms around.

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.

Now that I'm more mature, in a funny way, I can even appreciate that I've bad to become more aware of my body. Since I've chosen acting as my career, I have to keep my weight down anyway-I've been used to it for years, so it's no problem. And there's nothing I can't do.

Stand up is really fun because if I think of a joke or a funny idea, then I can just go and tell some people and if they laugh, they laugh right away.

Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny.

My father was always a straight-up funny guy. He was silly. He was my inspiration.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

You can't teach somebody how to be funny. You're either funny, or you ain't.

It's a funny thing about life; if you refuse to accept anything but the best, you very often get it.

I don't think the show would be funny to you if you didn't already have a base of information.

The misconception is that standup comics are always on. I don't know any really funny comics that are annoying and constantly trying to be funny all the time.

If I can't see the humor in it, how am I going to be funny?

Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown.

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.

The funny thing about making this record and being away from the girls and on my own in LA is that it allowed me to reflect on how much we've accomplished.

It's funny how you never think about the women you've had. It's always the ones who get away that you can't forget.

Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

I'm for whatever gets you through the night.