Funny Quotes

About 100 things that your kid will do that will surprise you and break your heart and it will be a combination of fact based therapy, medically advised kinds of passages accompanied by celebrity anecdotes and just some funny stuff to lighten the load.

I'm odd looking. Sometimes I think I look like a funny muppet.

We've seen some insane signs: 'Is that a loaf of bread in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?' Funny stuff along those lines. Very original. One just said, 'I will do unspeakable things.' I thought that was very interesting - and mildly terrifying!

One picture is worth 1,000 denials.

Shirley MacLaine said, You're so funny, then gave me a hug. Everything went white. I couldn't hear, I couldn't see. I thought I was going to pass out.

Whatever is funny is subversive, every joke is ultimately a custard pie... a dirty joke is a sort of mental rebellion.

When I'm with my friends I'm funny, but I don't feel like I'm a funny clown.

Funny is funny.

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.

When you have an entire amphitheatre of people laughing that way, it makes you feel so funny and it frees you to go further than you probably would.

My hair has never been my greatest feature, so that was funny enough unto itself that my hair became so focused on.

Only man has dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny.

People often ask me how I make things funny. I don't make things funny.

There's always an article coming out, saying, 'The new thing is funny women!'

To me, I've never understood why there is any question about are women as funny as men.

I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.

I wish I had a funny story.

Funny enough, if you are looking at people these days who are putting Botox in their face and getting all sorts of plastic surgery, we look at them and go, I can tell you've had Botox. I can tell you've had plastic surgery. You look really strange to me. But no one's saying anything. We're just accepting the fact that they're strange-looking.

I'm not a believer in the pratfall. I don't think it's funny just to have someone fall down.

Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.

What's funny is my husband doesn't have any tattoos at all, so he must be the very conservative one.

It's hard to lead a cavalry charge if you think you look funny on a horse.

I love nerds. Comic-Con junkies are the tastemakers of tomorrow. Isn't that funny? The tables have turned.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

But this show reminds me that there are other aspects to me besides the fact that I'm a funny chick.

If you tell the truth about how you're feeling, it becomes funny.

I am the shortest and least funny person in my family.

One of the funny things about the stock market is that every time one person buys, another sells, and both think they are astute.

For some reason and I don't know why, but I don't think that I'm funny in California. So I always want to do my movies east somewhere.

I allow a lot of room for improvisation and funny stuff. I always feel planned.