Funny Quotes

I have an older sister named Haley and she wanted to be an actress. So I wanted to be an actress. It's really funny the way that some people don't give kids enough credit for like really being driven, and really wanting to do things so badly.

Never have more children than you have car windows.

It's sad and upsetting when you see somebody crying hysterically, but at the same time it's real funny.

It's funny how most people love the dead, once you're dead your made for life.

You know I'm an actress, not just a funny lady.

I think the pattern of my essays is, A funny thing happened to me on my way through Finnegans Wake.

Life is hard. After all, it kills you.

The funny thing is, I look at these magazines that make me so insecure and neurotic, but I'm in them!

The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.

I don't think I was funny until college. I lived with some Harvard MD/PhD students - they were so smart, and what I contributed to the house was, I was the funny one.

Most of the gaffes I've made have not been funny - they've been stupid.

God did not intend religion to be an exercise club.

Especially with a comedy, you've got the clear cut goal of trying to make a scene funny. It's not like drama where you're trying to achieve some kind of emotion or trying to further the story along. You're trying to figure out what's the funniest way to do something.

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it.

Most shows, you really have to force it. And everybody's nervous, and the network is nervous, and they've all got their notepads out, and they're all going to give notes on what they think is funny, and everybody's trying to spin their jokes, and this was so - the script was so good that we didn't have to really do anything, and it made it so easy for us to do well.

At the end of the day it's got to be a good movie, it's got to be a funny movie, and it's got to make people think, 'Hey, I couldn't have spent my time any better.'

And, in a funny way, each death is different and you mourn each death differently and each death brings back the death you mourned earlier and you get into a bit of a pile-up.

My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.

I'd rather not have a moment when I'm known for my looks; being funny and interesting lasts longer.

I know some people say I can be funny. But there is always a deeper meaning to what I say. I am a socialist at heart and have the interests of the poor in mind. When people see how I manage to work my way out of tough situations, it gives them hope in their own life.

Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the pain all of us were feeling, and how humor and some laughter might be beneficial.

Hitchcock had a charm about him. He was very funny at times. He was incredibly brilliant in his field of suspense.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

I just think that it's such a good show and timeless and still very funny, and that just makes me happy to have that whole first season in one concentrated space for people to enjoy so that it's not hit and miss trying to find it in syndication always.

From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere.

I have a Dominique Wilkins Hawks jersey that I still wear. That's probably my favorite one. What's funny is that I spend all this time collecting jerseys, and now people are out there collecting mine.

I've never really understood that. It's a funny thing; people sometimes accuse us of condescending to our characters somehow-that to me is kind of inexplicable.

It's funny - if you impersonate somebody, they have no idea it's them.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

About 100 things that your kid will do that will surprise you and break your heart and it will be a combination of fact based therapy, medically advised kinds of passages accompanied by celebrity anecdotes and just some funny stuff to lighten the load.