Funny Quotes

Being a funny person does an awful lot of things to you. You feel that you mustn't get serious with people. They don't expect it from you, and they don't want to see it. You're not entitled to be serious, you're a clown.

I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room.

The funny thing about making this record and being away from the girls and on my own in LA is that it allowed me to reflect on how much we've accomplished.

Always remember your kid's name. Always remember where you put your kid. Don't let your kid drive until their feet can reach the pedals. Use the right size diapers... for yourself. And, when in doubt, make funny faces.

I have a funny family, but none of them are remotely in show business.

I'm for whatever gets you through the night.

The one thing that disturbs me about Alec is that people don't realize that he's really funny.

'Dirty Rotten Scoundrels' is a good one because it not only turned out, I think, to be a really funny movie but it was also a delight to shoot. We were in the South of France, working with Glenne Headly and Michael Caine and Frank Oz the director - who were just fun.

I actually was class clown, but I don't know how that happened because I've never been considered an outwardly funny person-as the people in this room will attest.

Any kid will run any errand for you, if you ask at bedtime.

I was the class clown at school, but at home, my family wasn't very funny.

It's only I have seen enough of it and the funny thing is now, I know that I'm skinny, because I know there are even smaller clothes in the store. I think I'm big, when I was big, I never thought about it.

I love working with smart-funny people.

My little dog, he did not get ill. It is so funny that people get ill on a boat and dogs do not.

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.

What was really funny is that as I got older all those guys who called me a sissy in junior high school wanted me to be their best friend because they wanted to meet all the girls that I knew in figure skating.

I spent a year in that town, one Sunday.

The first time I walked by a crap table, I felt kind of funny.

Japanese people have a funny habit of abbreviating names.

Sometimes you don't want to be a slapstick clown in order to convey a funny perception of the world.

If you can't tell a spoon from a ladle, then you're fat!

I think of myself as a funny guy but nobody thinks I'm funnier than my daughters.

I like funny guys and those, for some reason, tend to be nerdy guys.

I believe, in a funny way, the job of the novelist is to be out there on the fringes and speaking for an experience that has not really been spoken for.

He taught me housekeeping; when I divorce I keep the house.

A lot of the tabloid stories are written so well, they're very clever and very funny. But you have to focus on what's really important and not read them - don't dive into it and don't get caught up in it.

As I get older, all sorts of things become less funny. Once one has children, any cruelty involving children becomes far less amusing than when one was at the mercy of one's friends' and relatives' children.

Funny is an attitude.

I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up.

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.