Quotes By Mark Twain

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.

Loyalty to the country always. Loyalty to the government when it deserves it.

Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word.

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.