Quotes By Mark Twain

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.

I've never let my school interfere with my education.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

We have the best government that money can buy.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

Do the thing you fear most and the death of fear is certain.

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.