Quotes By Mark Twain

The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

A person with a new idea is a crank until the idea succeeds.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.

What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.

All generalizations are false, including this one.

If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

Let us make a special effort to stop communicating with each other, so we can have some conversation.

We have the best government that money can buy.

A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.

Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat.

Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.