Quotes By Mark Twain

Principles have no real force except when one is well-fed.

There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

Apparently there is nothing that cannot happen today.

Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.

Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.

Let us not be too particular; it is better to have old secondhand diamonds than none at all.

Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which before their union were not perceived to have any relation.

My books are like water; those of the great geniuses are wine. (Fortunately) everybody drinks water.

I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn't know.

Prophesy is a good line of business, but it is full of risks.

It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.

I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.

But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?

Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain't so.

All right, then, I'll go to hell.

Kindness is the language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

Name the greatest of all inventors. Accident.

She was not quite what you would call refined. She was not quite what you would call unrefined. She was the kind of person that keeps a parrot.

Necessity is the mother of taking chances.

Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.