Quotes By Mark Twain

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

God made the Idiot for practice, and then He made the School Board.

It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.

Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered - either by themselves or by others.

What a wee little part of a person's life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.

Why shouldn't truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired.

Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.

The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

I make it a rule never to smoke while I'm sleeping.

I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.

The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.

There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.