Quotes By Mark Twain

There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress.

The finest clothing made is a person's own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.

Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.

Drag your thoughts away from your troubles... by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.

It ain't what you don't know that gets you into trouble. It's what you know for sure that just ain't so.

It is not best that we should all think alike; it is a difference of opinion that makes horse races.

Don't let schooling interfere with your education.

Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

The lack of money is the root of all evil.

It's no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.

Any emotion, if it is sincere, is involuntary.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Better a broken promise than none at all.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.