Quotes By Mark Twain

He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.

Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.

I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

Good friends, good books and a sleepy conscience: this is the ideal life.

Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

Everything human is pathetic. The secret source of humor itself is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven.

Noise proves nothing. Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles as if she laid an asteroid.

The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.

Better a broken promise than none at all.

Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside.

It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.

Facts are stubborn, but statistics are more pliable.

It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.

Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn't.

When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

By trying we can easily endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.

Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet.

Education consists mainly of what we have unlearned.

Lord save us all from a hope tree that has lost the faculty of putting out blossoms.

The Christian's Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

Don't say the old lady screamed. Bring her on and let her scream.