Quotes By Mark Twain

Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.

Golf is a good walk spoiled.

Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.

The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

Be careless in your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.

Grief can take care if itself, but to get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.

The educated Southerner has no use for an 'R', except at the beginning of a word.

Martyrdom covers a multitude of sins.

I don't like to commit myself about heaven and hell - you see, I have friends in both places.

It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and remove all doubt.

In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.

Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

Soap and education are not as sudden as a massacre, but they are more deadly in the long run.

I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.

Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Do the right thing. It will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Humor is mankind's greatest blessing.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

Prosperity is the best protector of principle.

If man could be crossed with the cat, it would improve man but deteriorate the cat.

When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I've done it thousands of times.

Such is the human race, often it seems a pity that Noah... didn't miss the boat.

The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.

It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog.