Quotes By Mark Twain

Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.

Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

We are all alike, on the inside.

To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.

Suppose you were an idiot, and suppose you were a member of Congress; but I repeat myself.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

I never let schooling interfere with my education.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.

There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.