Quotes By Mark Twain

If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.

The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

Humor must not professedly teach and it must not professedly preach, but it must do both if it would live forever.

Never pick a fight with people who buy ink by the barrel.

A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.

It is easier to stay out than get out.

When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

Action speaks louder than words but not nearly as often.

There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

If it's your job to eat a frog, it's best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it's your job to eat two frogs, it's best to eat the biggest one first.

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.

There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one - keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

'Classic.' A book which people praise and don't read.

We are all alike, on the inside.

It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.

I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

It is just like man's vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.

If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

I never let schooling interfere with my education.

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example.

The Public is merely a multiplied "me."

Biographies are but the clothes and buttons of the man. The biography of the man himself cannot be written.

It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.