Quotes By Louis C. K.

To me, art supplies are always okay to buy.

There are people that really live by doing the right thing, but I don't know what that is, I'm really curious about that. I'm really curious about what people think they're doing when they're doing something evil, casually. I think it's really interesting, that we benefit from suffering so much, and we excuse ourselves from it.

People get successful and they start saying, 'Well of course I am! I was chosen! I'm special!' No, you're not.

Some things I think are very conservative, or very liberal. I think when someone falls into one category for everything, I'm very suspicious. It doesn't make sense to me that you'd have the same solution to every issue.

There's a woman I see who's not my therapist, but she's like an old friend who's a therapist in profession. She lets me talk to her like a therapist once in a while, and she does a great thing. Whenever I have a big dilemma, like this is a big problem in my life, she always says, 'Wow, you're going to have to figure that out.'

When I take my kids out for dinner or lunch, people smile at us.

I know what it's like to have a bunch of material that's working that you don't care about. You want to die.

Comedians work great as actors because they're good under pressure. With a lot of actors, you have to make them feel like everything's going really well to get a good performance out of them. But, if you have a comedian on the set, you can tell them, 'Hey, you really are screwing this up,' and then they just get better.

Every day starts, my eyes open and I reload the program of misery. I open my eyes, remember who I am, what I'm like, and I just go, 'Ugh'.

I don't like comedy. I like funny things. I don't like comedy. Like, comedy movies are just, 'Oh Jesus.'

The problem is, the more famous you get, the more people see you who didn't choose to.

I'm not motivated to entertain people through Twitter, so just by having Twitter and not saying anything, I make people mad.

I'm not sure why I'm so often disgusting on stage. I don't always know where it comes from.

You can't cancel my stand-up tours. It's impossible. There's too many separate bosses. There is no 'bosses.'

I think one reason TV has always done well is because there is something comforting where you kind of know what you're going to be taken through.

When two kids are being completely berserk, and they're naked and throwing food around, sometimes I just let it go because I can see a future where they're going to be dressed, and they're going to be at school. So I kind of let stuff go sometimes.

I like all ladies of all different ages.

I've tried to do away with lying in my life in the last few years, but it's hard.

The only pitch I have to movie people is the same as this one: Just give me $8 million. I'm not telling you what it's about and I'm not telling you who's in it.

Comedy isn't polite and it isn't correct and it isn't accurate, even. It's just a mess. So that's the way that I approach it.

My ex-wife, she really didn't like the material that I did. And that's something I regret, that I wasn't more careful about making sure that she was O.K. with it. I just sort of didn't ask. So that's how that goes.

To me, it's very exhilarating when somebody else does a great thing, and it's not me.

I would rather be with my kids than anybody else.

Whenever I've encountered a Christian saying, 'Why don't you stop talking like that so I can hear you?' I think, 'Well you're the one putting the earmuffs on, but I wish you could hear me because I like you.'

Breaking records is not something you expect to be doing. That's like a sports thing, it's not usually a comedy and writing thing.

If I do something for my kids, I get a medal, because most fathers don't.

Gay men have to go through something to own their - who they are. They get beat up. They get ostracized. Whatever they go through, if they survive it, they come out very confident people.

I don't have a brother in real life.

Pushing the envelope' sort of implies that you're inside the envelope with everyone else, and you're trying to find the edges on the outsides.

I have a crazy amount of different jobs, so the way I manage that is to not do more than one at a time. It's like old computers that had small memory chips, they would do something called swapping, where they would fill the memory with one task, do it and get it out.